I have a lot of really great and encouraging updates, but I'll leave that for another post.
Tonight i want to share my heart, authentically pour out what my heart cries out for and at this point is screaming out for.
This past week ive been very busy with school work, im really teaching myself that procrastination is an addiction i no longer want to be defined by, so today my sister and i decided to do our homework together, worked out to be very successful, but very draining. Ive been emotionally and physically exhausted, i long for that sense of revival to fill my heart, for a feeling of flying, an extraorindary miracle to sweep me off my feet, so i can continuosly feel drunk off the Spirit of God. What the heck am i waiting for?? Seriously, Jesus longs to share with us His love and we stay there saying, "When will you arrive?"
Tonight i had to pause, literally go to my room, sit in my bed and say to God, what is this all about?, i am finding new areas where God pursues my passions in, i am happy with school (minus the crazy amounts of work), i love my placement, couldnt have found a better career, my family and friends shower me with joy. Yet, there is a form of discontent in my heart, something in me tugs at my heart strings and says "WAKE UP", ive said it here before and perhaps i hadnt not truly understood it, until tonight.
My dreams, my true dreams, consist of sharing the unconditional love i know, mending broken hearts, bringing justice and dignity to those that have been wronged, and wandering the nations, passing around Hope.
That.is me.
I have been a hopeless wanderer since i was a kid, always wanting to explore, yearning for adventure, but there was always a common subject "i dont want to be in Hamilton". What has all this fear and angst about being in Hamilton been about??
Fear
Fear
I have traveled the world, exploring, experiencing the most EXTRaordinary miracles and times. Knowing, truly knowing that God would show up in every opportunity i would have to show people His love. Why, WHY, have i not been able to do that here?? If i am called to teach peace, sow love, break the world indifferent from injustice, why have i denied the place i call 'home'?
In the past two years, i have been given opportunity after opportunity to work with the community, but have i truly fallen in love with the community, the way i am inlove with 'world'? It is not till very early this year, that Papa has slowly been sparking me with fire, for this community. Perhaps it has been because of my fear that i have never truly felt passionate for Hamilton. But my friends, i tell you, there is so much more Hope here then the hurt and dirt we see. If it is a true Kingdom that we long for, if it is the Kingdom of love, compassion, and justice we long for, Jesus has been preparing Hamilton for a while. Shall we work?
Being a social worker will be about providing Hope, solidarity, and encouragement to people, often 'bandaging' up the injustice and hurt people experience. We have been called to be more then just bandages in this world. Be light. Hamilton hurts, homelessness, addictions,violence, poverty all plague this city. We need more then just social programs to bandage problems. This is true for every community, for every country, but what is even more authentically true is the Hope that resurrects from Hamilton daily. Art being shared, music being composed, flowers sprouting from crevices of darkness. The people of this city are drenched in Hope. I am not made for this world, but God has not made a mistake in placing me here. :)
I truly do not want to dispell the Hopeful and encouraging messages i have shared about the amazing love God has sowed in me for the world, but for now, my world, my true stomping ground of Hope is Hamilton. I find peace in knowing that where He has placed me is where i need to fall in love, the more i know Jesus, the more i know His heart lives in the crevices of hopelessness and injustice. He is here.
