the end of a love letter...

Bolivia :-)
It's been almost a month since I've been back in Canada and i hadn't been able to finish my love letter to Bolivia, this past week has been full of lessons- lessons of taking risks and no regret. So here goes... :-)

The last week we spent in Bolivia, we stayed at an amazing place called the Bolivian Children's mission in Cochabamba (the land of eternal spring), beautiful mountains, flowers, no headache from altitude and filled with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. We only stayed at this orphanage for about 8 days- but they were 8 days that totally transformed my life.

I've been to many orphanages before and always end up leaving with some sort of hopelessness- This time it was no different, but at the same time, this trip was different for some reason- these kids had friends, hobbies, love stories, favourite colours, and smiles that had left a huge imprint on my heart. I had never interacted this much with kids at an orphanage, one little girl, Jenny, really stole my heart- we happen to share the same birthday, but our lives were very different.

Jenny was 13 years old and had been at that orphanage since she was weeks old, coming from a very sad past, you would expect a child that was sad, angry, and filled with disillusion for the world. But she was different, after school every day she would come up to me, hug me and say "I'm going to miss you Ivania", those words broke my heart time and time after again- but her smile was always hopeful and full of love. We exchanged conversations about the world, my favourite place, her favourite place, the wonders of nature that surrounded us, her life at the orphanage, love, heart break- and how to change the world. She changed my world and on our birthday all i could think of, was how my reality was so different than hers, I was surrounded by mom and dad, siblings and SOOO much love, in a country where my insane stubbornness for change was embraced. I know that at the orphanage she is surrounded by a lot of love, but i cant keep myself from thinking about what her future in Bolivia will be like, where will she go when she turns 18 and cant stay at the orphanage anymore?

All this unrest in my heart, had left me paused- not knowing what to do, not knowing when or how i would see this little girl again- i realized that if i stayed in this state i would have broken dreams all my life, broken wings and unfulfilled promises. I needed to step out of my rut for a bit and be hopeful for Jenny, I know that God has a very special purpose for her life and i hope to meet her again in the near future.

Remembering the last thing she said to me, i smile and know that i should not worry about her, because she is deeper than most people i know around my age- she's a world changer!! "Ivania, you wont forget me right? i mean you cant, we have the same birthday, we are birthday twins, and coincidences like that are like promises that God has already made for us". - And Jenny i could never forget you or the Bolivian Children's mission. I walked into milk and honey when i walked into that orphanage, true living, living in Love and with purpose!

I am deeply inspired and indebted for the lessons learned there. Thank you Peter and Delia for sharing your house and family with us in Cochabamba!!

I will miss you Bolivia, but we will see each other again one day, very soon, very soon :-)

Another farewell to the Amazon!

I had not thought that i would return to the Amazon so quickly, after my trip to the Venezuelan Amazon last year, i desired to go back but was never sure when it would be, i defintely didnt think it would be this soon. As our plane landed in the Amazon, tears filled my eyes and an uncontrollable mix of emotions took over my heart. It's a feeling I am not sure how to express or explain, i just know that the Amazon has stolen a piece of my heart, and returning made me realize even more how much i had missed being there. The trees, the mountains, the river, the land, the people, everything. Our time in San Miguel del Bala, Amazon, was one that really taught me the importance of listening and learning from other cultures, it also gave me a perspective of how courageous the Tacana people have been. Their persistence in order to preserve their land, culture, language and traditions really speaks to me about the pursuit of true identity. I am so honoured to have been able to meet and share with the Tacana people, it truely was something life changing... my heart has been transformed.

Im sure i will return to the Amazon some time very soon... my heart longs for the fire in that land... it's a flame, that has been planted on this journey of justice... and is carried by true Love.

Inspired.

Como un pajaro libre de libre vuelo!! (Like a liberated bird, free flying)

Surrounded by mountains, trees, birds and water- feeling very small amidst these great beautiful things. Feeling so blessed and loved by God and getting to appreciate all that He has made here. We´ve been with our contacts for about a week now, helping out at the eco-lodge, cooking traditional dishes, learning how to make sugar cane juice and how to peel rice,learning a lot from our contacts, while learning about how much we can stretch ourselves in unknown territory. I´ve realized that i mostly take a lot of love from the places i visit, the relationships we have built with Julio and Reinaldo our contacts and Hermosinda(the lady that cooks at the lodge)- usually leave me bittersweet when leaving, its amazing to meet all of these people but when we leave, i always leave bits of my heart behind. Im learning to repair these broken wings with new dreams, leaving in a few days, with more blindfolds off- loving freely- free flying- letting the Wind take me.
Ready, ready to go!
This world is hungry for change, and i´ve been starving for it for a long time now!!

Leaving La Paz

In a few hours i will going on a little plane with all 11 of my team memebers to San Miguel Del Bala a community of indigenous people in the Bolivian Amazon!!! Im SOOO excited, but a part of my heart is also a tad bit broken... being in La Paz for the past week has slowly been changing my mindset about a lot of stuff and it feels like we have built a home here, befriending our hosts here, seeing other travellers come and go.
Felt like this was our stand-by of making relationships and connections with people from abroad in Bolivia, pretty amazing to say the least. In the past week we´ve befriended some pretty amazing people, Germans, South Africans, a girl from Montreal, and a girl from England. Being impacted by every single life as we all experienced the same time of culture shock, missing friends and family, attempting to speak spanish (well not for me but for my team lol). It was a great way of seeing how interconnected we are, and the love for adventure and thirst for change brings people from all walks of life together.

We got to spend a bit more time with our friend Adriaan from South Africa, felt like we had an extra team member, as he participated in highs and lows and life stories- it was awesome! Learning a bit about what life was like for him back home and all his travel plans for the months ahead, made for some really ispiring conversations, that have really set up this trip for me- Free falling, plans abandonded and moved by the Spirit.

Sharing my life story with the team and Adriaan last night made me realize how much life stories is so much more than just sharing "stuff" that has happened in your life but more about testimony and how the life that i have lived up until now is shaping every move i make in the present. Sharing who you are, the broken, the garbage, the meaningful, the awakenings- all adds up to encouragment and reflection.

Moving ahead and away from La Paz makes me realize that I come on these trips with a heart ready to love and I leave with SO much more love from the people i´ve met. Im constantly changed and stretched by my experiences, goodbye´s are always tough- but returning is near... See you soon! :-)

Surrounded by mountains and Love.

Sitting here, listening to the cars honking, the breeze of the Andes and the peace of God´s Love... no other way to live for me right now. I´ve been having a weird couple of days, unsure of how i feel about being on stand-by in La Paz , wanting so badly to be in the Amazon, being sick, having my whole team in bed, also sick- i was angry and in a miserable mood. I had also taken that anger on this beautiful opportunity that God had given me, to remain more time with the people here in La Paz, not sure of what to expect, or about how much Love i was receiving by being here.

I dont think i realized it until i was walking down this street yesterday and heard drums and flutes playing in this building- being drawn by the Spirit in this place, i gradually went in as my team followed. I was met with native dancers doing a traditional dance in thanksgiving for the new season... seriously!!??- could that have been more on point with what i should of been doing?? Being so afraid about where God is taking me on this trip and on the journey ahead, i dont think i had stopped purposely to be thankful for this new season. These dancers were there for a conference called Boldness in Identity Through Art- AMAZING!!!! just the name, almost made me fall over... we got to go into one of the sessions, and the honour and blessing towards the indigenous people in Bolivia blew me away!! I was automatically ordered by God to get out of the rut that i had placed myself in. As i looked at these people dancing i looked at one specific older man, as he danced with this deep gaze and this peacful smile- "The wailing of His people i could feel". The happiness, the sorrow, the peace, the love, the liberation, the justice- everything! generation upon generation of the Bolivian people- in my heart.

How could i deny what i could feel in my heart? Being afraid to be broken, to be a witness, to walk in Boldness- everything He has called me to be. The people here have gone through a great deal of sorrow, through colonization, through massacres of their indigneous people, the change in government and the very obvious poverty cycle that seams to be entangling itself within society here. Bolivians have constantly been struggling for acceptance, constantly they have had to leave their lands, to go off and find work in other countries. Often being hated and mistreated in other countries- for generations they have been living as a tolerated people- The Bolivian people are called to be Loved!!!

Today, i woke up with this peace in my heart, that everything was going to be fine, that God was taking care of the team and that all of this had a purpose that would shape the journey ahead!

After Lunch today we walked around some of the shops and stumbled upon this music store, that had a whole bunch of interesting instruments- i was mostly drawn to this saxaphone made of wood- i approached the store owner and asked him how it worked. As he lifted his gaze i realized that he was blind- he started to play this song- that my mother had sang to me as a child- as tears filled my eyes I realized how big God´s presence was in that moment and how much He loved me. Being brought back to that amazing childhood memory, thinking about my mom as Mother´s day approaches, i couldnt help but be thankful and so honoured to have this amazing woman as my mother. She truly has played a huge roll in setting my life up Purposely- always being supportive, encouraging, and constantly always meeting me with open arms and a smile- everytime i come home. (Gracias Mami la quiero MUCHO!!!)

After the man finished playing I looked around the store and saw tons of paper cut outs of Him playing this little guitar, I said "do you still play shows?", He said
"No i dont anymore, i dedicate my life to teaching underprivlidged youth"- that one sentence totally rocked me. It had been two days of contstant encouragment and God flashing His love and presence in every situation i was in. How can i be angry or sad? Looking at being in La Paz as a "stand-by" hasnt really helped either, because we can build connections and relationships in every situation- and it seemed that God has just put the right people on my path to love on :)

I am happy here, surrounded by mountains and Love!
Heart abandonded, arms wide open, ready to go, walking in Boldness!!
Walking in Peace!!

In Bolivia!!!

i have been really questioning the fact of whether i should write on my blog on this trip because i really didnt think i would have any time, however due to weather we are on stand-by in La Paz before heading out into the Amazon in a few days, sooo here goes :-). It´s been some very exciting days though, just driving into the city of La Paz you are met with these beautiful majestic mountains, i´ve seriously just been in awe of God´s wonder... the beauty of His people and environment here has creeped into my heart! Im very happy here!! The elevation has been a bit of a fight for me, so im just hoping it goes away... haha please pray that it does!
We have really experienced some crazy stuff, been to a Francsican Cathedral from the 1700´s, into a Monastery,then to the Ruins of Tiwanaku all in two days and 4000 meters above sea level..awesome...sooo awesome!!
excited to get to the Amazon though, ready to be back there!!! I´ve missed it sooo much!!
Love you all!!
Peace and Blessings!

The Word i carry in my heart

These Words

Trickling, shifting, tearing apart a, collision of brick sand and dust
Taking the form of a death sentence, as they pile upon her- She is the mother in Haiti

These words are for the mother in Haiti

Racing through the sticky tall dead grass, running, running, running away as they get closer, her freedom, her liberation taken away from her even before she is kidnapped- her heart already taken, her safety and comfort stolen, as memories of nameless, faceless cowards are piled upon her and steal her innocence..- she is the girl from Uganda

These words are for the girl in Uganda

Where the light breaks through the darkness of shifting shadows
A little boy sits at the bed side of his mother, torn, dismantled, her lifeless body taken-taken-taken for no reason- His is the story of the little boy in Rwanda

These words are for the boy in Rwanda

Its really dark out, the rain is heavy, not a storm, but his heart is heavy, praying that this night wont end, and wont call him home…he flees continues to go far, far, far- where they cant get to him- the journey from the mountain left him tired- searching for the medical supplies, searching for type writers where they will record for history why they fought- His mother is restless and waiting, when will this stop, when will my baby stop needing to be the revolutionary- when can we stop being afraid of the raids, and disappearings- he gets to a gate,lightening and thunder roar- This is the story of an 18 year old boy, a revolutionary from El Salvador- who changed my life.

These words are for the boy in El Salvador

These words are for the man I walk by every day, to busy to stop, to selfish to care, -what was his name? as he looks at me, face to face, gazing at me- looking for life, looking for a sign of hope, of reality that is not what makes him shiver at night, and leaves his stomach empty…as the days go by…his name left in the past, with the successful university career, and the family that once knew him.

These words are for the man in Hamilton

Her history is present on the lines of her face, as she tells me the story of a young school girl forced to live her life in a culture foreign to what her destiny calls of her. Taken from her parents, taken from the land that calls to her every time she looks to the sky. “My people don't forget” she says to me, “we are the Yanomami”

These words are for the Yanomami elder in Venezuela.


Now these are not just words, not only letters on pieces of paper or
rhyming patterns these are not just stories told or heard - these are
realities, realities that we continue to ignore

These words are for you, let them change you, let them creep in to your
heart, let them get under your skin, let them move you into action,
don't let these words get drowned out ,allow yourself to see that your reality is connected intertwined like
knots, like links, like chains to the reality of those around you
These words are of hope, of freedom, of the realities, faces and
places that have inspired me to remember, to know, to be and to do!

Generations have come and gone, Martin Luther King Jr. came, Oscar Romero came, Mother Teresa came, Ghandi came- these words are for the little girl in
regent park listening to the 'I have a dream' speech, wondering when the
Martin Luther King Jr. of her generation will show up.
These words are for all of you who are listening as your heart pounds
as these words penetrate into your soul, as these words will leave you
restless because you know you are the generation that will be Martin Luther King Jr’s
dream- don't be afraid of your reality, let these words become light
posts, that invite you into who you truly are.

These words are for the little girl, who often wondered why she
rather listen to El Salvadorian war stories than to play with dolls,
these words are for the girl that holds the world in her heart and
wants to share it with you, these words are for the girl that knows
she is no Martin Luther King Jr, no Ghandi no mother Teresa, no Oscar Romero, she is more broken, more weak, and more fearful- but she knows she can change the
world.

These words, are what carry her...
Hope
Justice
Love
One, but its just one Word that I bring, that I carry
One Word that drove me to be vulnerable, open up my heart, spit out my
fear and open up my arms and ask you to join me!

Join me to allow her not be the Haitian forgotten, the Ugandan
disappeared, the Rwandan orphan, the assassinated El Salvadorian the
unknown Canadian, the misplaced Yanomami Venezuelan!

These words are for them, let them change you. I dare you to try and
forget them now.