"You are free to love without an agenda."

(Kristine took this picture while in Shakespeare& Co- i truly resonate with this sentiment, however i might change 'Paris' for a few other amazing places I've been to- today lets say I'm really missing the Amazon, so the Amazon it is!)- oh what joy! i hope i never stop feeling this way either!



This post is about some random thoughts and events that have happened in the last little while! sooo here goes! :)

Soooo I am back home now!!, I've been back for a couple weeks- pictures not posted, and little to no time, nor energy to blog- BUT i shall get to that soon, and i will also post my Bolivia pictures haha- its been a year ( a really good year at that)


I am thankful! i was reflecting during this past week at church, all the amazing people, things and places that have left an imprint in me this past year. To be honest, its not always easy to rejoice amidst brokenness and heartache. But i am choosing not live in that anymore. I choose to rejoice and as a friend said to me last week "Don't live in November, or you'll lose sight of the joys of April and then May too". and so I'm choosing to let go of November :)- Its good to be alive TODAY, i want to live today!

oh ya, i went to Europe- hahaha! what an amazing trip that was, got to spend an amazing 16 days with the best of friends, Nadia and Kristine. We have been the trio we are for about 4 years now, cant thank them enough for their incredible friendship and encouragement! Nadia and I met in high school and in second year of university she introduced me to Kristine and that day KG had a crazy conversation with us that changed our lives. She told us about her time in Mexico with Global Youth network and the rest is history!



Kristine is probably one of the most inspiring people i know, she IS perseverance and goes after her dreams- she flys! ( so incredibly honoured to have you in my life, you will do great on those law exams!!) Nadia brings the sense of humour and positivity- if at times i didn't go crazy on this trip it was because of her ridiculous jokes about 'when in Rome' haha (love you Nads! you make me smile so much, don't leave me next year too!! :()


Like i had said in my previous post this trip was a little difficult on the heart, i am grateful for the opportunity to travel and discover more of this beautiful world- but amidst my joy to wander, something in my heart was sad about travelling to Europe. At first it was an overwhelming feeling of guilt and apathy (never let that consume you!)- standing in history, in age old churches, castles and parks- God's presence overwhelmed me with compassion for the heart He had given me. One that chases and desires to burn with passion and change. But why? why all this desire to change the world, when i could easily choose to delight in the worldly pleasures i have at my door step?- Not that enjoying all this beauty is wrong, but my heart is ignited by an overwhelming feeling of hurt, brokenness, and poverty-

As i stood in Notre Dame Cathedral, i rejoiced in a different way then i ever had, overwhelmed by God's presence i cried- unable to explain to Nadia what was going on with me, i decided to keep walking around- in front of the statues of two women that had changed my life at age 14, I understood. St Therese of Lisieux and St Joan of Arc- two incredible french warriors. If you have ever been to Notre Dame, you will share in the same awe i was in because of the beauty of this church, but as i stood in such majesty, i looked at St Therese's hands as she stood there holding roses in her hands, i remembered a Word a friend had shared with me while skyping when i was in El Salvador, he said he saw me giving out roses to children on a dirt road, always trading Beauty for Ashes. Here i was in France, easily one of the most beautiful, luxurious places i had ever been to- but my heart was longing for Africa and Latin America- amidst the brokenness, poverty and injustice, i will never cease to choose them. They have chosen and stolen my heart- what a beautiful revelation of His true desire for me.

And so LOVE= FREEDOM!- i want to sail! :)


SO incredibly inspired by this: (WOOOHOO truth!)

"All I want from you is to trust Me with what little you can, and grow in loving people around you with the same love I share with you. It's not your job to change them, or to convince them. You are free to love without an agenda." — William P. Young (The Shack)

My seams have unraveled. I am undone.

'I want to kiss the world beautiful'

I want to kiss the world beautiful
Sometimes it's just more important to love
Than to always have it right
I want to kiss the world beautiful
I have no name for this desire
I believe in light, but don't know what to write
I want to kiss the world beautiful
Dream but never fall asleep
Go up to God and say, do you have plans today?
Might you be walking down my street?
I want to kiss the world beautiful
Lay down this life I think I would
Give up my shoes and some of these views
I don't know why just think I should
I want to kiss the world beautiful
-Martyn Joseph

One year ago today, i embarked on an amazing road trip through the province of Chalatenango in El Salvador, my Abuelita(grandma) Milagro's birth place and the land that saw my father grow up. Making me think about that amazing trip, turns my heart tender, and my eyes watery. So much identity, honour and sacrifice in those lands drenched in history, 12 hours and 6 cities, bumpy, sandy roads- all worth the crazy heat and sunburn.

Last year on my trip to El Salvador, i came into understanding of who my Father had made me to be. He planted in me a desire, a passion to want to "Kiss the world beautiful", to desire change, to be light, to seek justice, to love His people. So embedded in my blood, tethered into my Spirit revolution was birthed in my heart. With all the brokenness and filth, i desire to be in Latin America, it seems that brokenness and filth often find hope in each other, hey?
In my brokenness, God showed me i was made perfectly in His image, even if i am broken. i just needed to fall into that tender union with Him. Folding me a new everyday, because as i stand in my brokenness He calls me to love, like He did.

Today, i leave for Europe,but my gaze is on Jesus the liberator, Jesus the gatherer' of men, Jesus the Saviour (El Salvador)- The one who was, and continues to be the champion of the El Salvadorean people. Celebrating Monsenor Oscar Romero's life yesterday, reminded me that laments have a purpose, laments have a cost, but *'Hope is the seed of Liberation' and as much as i wish my plane would be taking me deep into the Amazon to be with the Tacana people, or the wondrous Andes mountains, or Puerto la Libertad in my beautiful little Nation of El Salvador, I know my Father has a reason for me to go to Europe. As i was told before, "Set the world on fire, Run like you've never run before, You were born to create tipping points for those without passion" I am sailing into the unknown with open arms and heart ready to love, because when there is nothing left to burn you must set yourself on fire.

Risk.

for the past few weeks i've been in a mix of emotions and wallowing in memories, unable to fully express how my heart has mapped itself out into a disarmed, vulnerable, unreleased captive. I turn to writing things down, as emotions can be fleeting- but true feelings have always been captured by words on paper that i can look back on. I learned a while ago that a broken heart is the first step in surrender, in that case i've taken a giant leap.

'When you can invest yourself deeply and intermittently in the life that surrounds you, instead of declaring yourself out of the game, because what has happened to you is too bad, too deep, too ugly for anyone to expect you to move on from, that’s that good rich place. That’s the place where things that looked for all intents and purposes, like curses, start to stand up and shimmer, and you realize with a gasp that they might have been blessings all along'.

Nothing good comes easily. You have to lose things you thought you loved, give up things you thought you needed. You have to get over yourself, beyond your past, and out from under the weight of your future.

The good stuff never comes easy.

Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk.

Inspired- thoughts& dreams

I've been learning recently to live in the sense of possibilities, i mean dreaming the impossible, allowing inspiration to transform my heart and to embrace healing. Sometimes i find it to be such an impossible task, but one thing i know is true- Love decides everything. He's got it under control. Giving life to my dreams, learning how to heal this brokeness inside of me, letting Love be my protest, walking alongside humanity raising the banner of love. The love it will emit wont be able to be disputed, for the light it will shine will be the light of a perfect love being emanted by a perfect Creator.






Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles and pray at all times.
Romans12:12
-truth.

The world is waiting :) soon, very soon- learning to be where God wants me to be.






When leaving the nest, you have one of two options:
to let yourself fall without even have tried to spread your wings,
or to flap those wings with all that is within you and learn to fly.
Either one can't be done unless you jump-
so i jump!

"Run like you've never run before."

In all the joys of today i received a message from a good friend, who gave me advice without knowing it,"Run like you've never run before", he said. And so i must, to Rwanda perhaps in a month or so. Here is what's been stirring in my heart in the last little while! :)












Run Like You've Never Run before

an unknown path, a winding dusty road, running towards me on the brink of taking the leap. they all take a hold of my hand and say "Run like you've never run before'.

removing spiderwebs from this cold frozen heart, as it breaks itself out into freedom, nations provide the sunrise.

Love is transforming me, how can i not be free?
capturing the slave i had let myself be, the Wind found me.
Foundations of love's rage for my liberation, loves captivating grace, how can i not be free?

called to be flags on the land, we will trace the gentle face of truth and allow for impassioned hearts to run into the Wild.
satisfying my heart with nothing less than Love
whoever is dedicated to truth and opens up to love must consent to the struggle which these decisions entail
Love let me see you.

walk in the sight of love, letting go of fear and being captured by the wonder of a burning spirit, that takes hold of the whole world, to open up the eyes of those that have forgotten. May we be kindness to those that have never felt the savouring Kiss of Freedom.
Folding out of my cocoon, into the mystery and the Wonder that the Wind holds, may I be like the dry wheat awaiting for the Sun to burn me and be its prey!
Understand that love is coming after you as if you were the only one, Run in to love's arms!

Run like you've never run before

Constant reminders of the change that is nearing, are within you,
under the field of stars, i still need the lamp post that will guide me, holding seeds of generations in my heart- setting the world on fire, searching the heart of mystery, will you run with me?

More than ever have I needed to be free to love with a love that is simple, direct and open to anyone at any time, in the unshakable conviction that such love can cast out all fear and overcome all the powers of destruction and death.

Break down the barriers with that gentle outcry of those that are lost, with those that you want me to love and console- seeds of generations in my heart, setting the world on fire.

an unknown path, a winding dusty road, running towards me on the brink of taking the leap. they all take a hold of my hand and say 'Run like you've never run before'.

let me be desirous only of that which let's others be- be within the presence of Truth, knowing the true thunder of love's conviction.

Mastering of time and space, shall limit the humanity that allows us to enter fully into a plan of love that transcends time and space, may we run freely into our own identity.

Stirring compassion, let us paint the Kingdom with all it's beautiful colours, allowing us to regain our humanity, the Humanity that glorifies itself in the Sunrise!

i want to live and i want to brave to set this world on fire with Love, and for that i ask of all of you will you "run like you've never run before?"

Love decides everything – Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Picture taken at this year's annual School of the America's watch.




Walking down the street in downtown Hamilton yesterday, i saw these string of art pieces on the street,one of them caught my eye and pursued my heart, this is what what was written on it:


Emergence
Wrapping your present self in old beliefs keeps your feet on the ground
if that's where you want to be.
time to shake the hand-me-down habits, those gentle, mindful muzzlings and set yourself free.
What she came to understand is she had already arrived and believing was all she had to do.
A cocoon is the thought behind the moment the butterfly takes flight.

All what my soul longs for, wrapped up in a few words- freedom ,flight,wanting the Wind to take me.

This month has been interesting for me, as the past few posts I've been going through a season of stretching, leaping, not fearing, trusting, and being bold.

Echoing in me since my trip to El Salvador;
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice

Social Justice is not a sexy movement for me, it not a fad, or a past time- my heart burns for those that are desolate. Passion stirs in me for change, i have little tolerance for indifference and patience is taking its toll.
I have to keep at it, my heart keeps telling me- "Seeking justice is always a risk, but it's a worthy risk."
I want to encourage you all, I know that sometimes it feels like the flame is burning out and no one cares, but what is inside of us is not just an awakening- it is Life. Life breathing truth in us, truth being born into the masses, being born into the Kingdom. Don't just be a torch bearer or a vessel, be the burning flame, be change.

I've recently had a re-focusing of life, a re constructing of vision, into pure, plain, understanding that, Love decides everything,I may have dreams and aspirations,i might drag myself into the world everyday, but if i don't allow the Spirit to take hold of my life like the Wind takes hold of the sails. I will continue walking, lost and confused.

I've recently been invited to partake in a trip to Chile with an amazing organization, its a two week trip, it will be filled with meetings with dignitaries, Church people, activists and the like; I'm excited to see what God will do with this opportunity. I've turned over the sails to the Wind... :-)

Much of this refocusing has to do with me understanding that everything I do or say may be seen as crazy, unbalanced- overly hopeful and naive. I sometimes laugh at that because much of my rebellion just comes from questioning the norm, as i delve more and more into the life of Jesus, I know that's what He calls us to be. Little sparkling fireflies into dark places, path ways in unmarked lands- What would i be? what would i be if I wouldn't let Love decide?

I've seriously been encouraged and quiet humbled by the testimony of the School of The America's Watch. This organization has been fighting against injustice since the early 1980's, bringing awareness to the atrocities happening in Latin America while shedding light on how to make this stop.

A few nights ago, i was able to read, watch and listen to a string of links on what they do and I was left with an unsettled heavy heart. My heart was heavy, deeply rooted in the purpose of this organization, was surrendering one's life for Justice. It's a hard thought to grasp, its an even harder life to live- I am far from perfect and have to continue fighting everyday, but I know I'm not in this alone- this generation is finding it's place, living within the poor, crossing borders to free prisoners and entering into civil disobedience to be obedient to the Word. I have found my place within the body- and we need to keep moving!



I'm really inspired by the many organizations and beautiful people that surround me these days. This, is what I have my heart set on right now, (if you have the time, watch it)

Love to all!

Ivania

"Peace is first of all the art of being." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

Picture taken on my trip to the Amazon, in Venezuela 2009->

Life has become full of wondering, wandering, feeling lost, loneliness and all of that kind of stuff that doesnt come from Him, it's been that type of season... one where i can feel happiness at the tip of my fingers.

It's seems i've missed the point here and there- but im learning everyday to trust.- to keep Hope and just be. 'Fighting for peace!' has been the constant 'advice' from a close friend, and the more I try to take that in, the more i understand that true peace will only come from loving without surrender.

About a week ago i received two different directions- two countries calling to me- usually i would of left without thinking, allow my wings to open up and just soar, that's what my spirit would desire!

El Salvador and Rwanda were put on my radar- one with an organization called Innerchange and another teaching in the heart of Africa. Both beautiful possibilities, that really were starting to make me question what i was 'doing' here.

Its seems like this season, has been full of learning how to say no, when the Spirit says no.True communion with Papa, is hard, makes you vulnerable and feels like you are getting stretched north to south- but its beautiful on this side! Freedom!
Even talking about this is a little hard on the heart, dont get me wrong its an amazing journey and I am so thankful, but my humanity tends to get in the way sometimes hehe.

I am loved far beyond the boundaries of this world, and that is the type of love I was made to share.
I met up with two beautiful women of God today, one new friend and the other someone i've known all my life. Equally inspiring. living their lives by being love - i was so encouraged to be surrounded by such wonderful people. Sharing our experiences about Bolivia and El Salvador, made me glow all day jaja- not to mention the sun was really intense today, just the way i was feeling inside :) Thinking about all the beautiful people i've met on my past trips really leaves me humbled. The children have taught an endless piece of wisdom- 'let joy guide you, walk in it's innocence and just love'.

Just finished reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings...and this quote could not reflect more what i've BEEN feeling (past now ;) God is so merciful- im SO thankful so so thankful for you and you!

Keep walking in Light!

"The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world--free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless.... I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen