I will never be lost, I am a seed of this land

 Refined, redefined, found, loved, beloved, BE.LOVED
that is how this love letter starts

My spirit catches its breath as the love that invades my heart, tells me to heal the broken world.
Teach them how I love, Teach them how I love, my Father says
Show them how I love, my Father says
Act, He shouts
Caught on fire by my Fathers presence, I walk through the world wondering- how, when?
Sacrifice, Sacrifice that is what I am reminded of

Such a time as a this, requires sacrifice
It requires not just moments of faith, but a life of faith, at every second and every minute of the day
It requires presence, we have been called to heal this world
Healing doesn't include bandages to broken hearts and bruises, it requires total healing
Being bound to each other by Justice, we are responsible.

We are responsible, we must respond- It is time to express the happiness of being loved, it is a time to reach out with colors of joy, it is the time to love and forgive.

Our lack of understanding of how we are loved has decided our recent times, but this brokenness doesn't define how the fire of love can redefine, and refine

The little hands of Miriam, taught me that God's amazing power resides in the smallest of his people, Tanzania taught me that an awakening is constant, and that when desire to change the world is present, the little children need to be included

The gaze of the Yanomami people in Venezuela, transported me to years of colonization and hurt, but walked me through healing and break through, who we are resides in the depth of God's presence, we are never lost, we are seeds of this land

I will never be lost, I am a seed of this land

My heart has been scattered all around this world, planting seeds, trading beauty for ashes, giving roses interm of hurt and pain.

I walk the streets of Rio, with pain in my 14 year old heart, wondering why there is so much hurt, my heart gets tangled and all I want to do is  hide it. 'I don't want to hurt God, let my heart go'. Love, He says. Love

Touching ground in El Salvador, with plans and dreams bursting at the seams, I meet Love face to face, as He says, welcome home- time to love

I will never be lost, I am a seed of this land

Surrounded by mountains and love, I am bound to these people, I arrive in Bolivia, where freedom surrounds me and doesn't let me fade in to the distance, but says Be bold, you are free!

With hurt and terror, tripping in to history, Europe makes me feel trapped in a world, where I no longer feel God's presence, I called you to love here too, Ivania- why the fear, again?, He says to me
A love that took me to a land where I would never want to wander, with my feet dragging.
The love that searched my heart for more room, would not let me rest until I understood, that His love restores and I am whole again

Present

 present day, March 2013

I will never be lost, I am a seed of this land

Hamilton, you have been digging and tugging at my heart strings, running would be what I desire, but the stories of the people paint in me a canvas that fear was making me throw away
fear keeps us slaves in a cage whose doors have been swung open

I want to stir fire in to the hearts of the hurting, remember, you are beloved, BE. LOVED 

Clashing thoughts, presumptions, stigmas will keep us from loving
But tolerance is the brother of complacency, and only allows us to love those who are near, if we refuse to touch the hearts of those we do not know, we are refusing this world of a healed world.

Si no ahora, Cuando? If not now, when?- Mons. Oscar Romero

The way to heal is to restore, our foundations are shaken because the foundations are not founded in who we are honestly.

Let us revamp our visions, our hearts

Serving

Knowing that  we are seeds of this land, scattered to love, scattered to love until it hurts

In a world that doesn't need to paint over bullet holes, In a world that doesn't leave children without mothers ravaged by illness, In a world where our indigenous people's are  no longer being treated less then human, In a world where there is no need for refugees, just human being accessing freedom free of borders

On earth as it is in Heaven.


I will never be lost, I am a seed of this land

Specialize in the Impossible

Specialize in the impossible, sings to me, a slow and steady drum, a strum that adds to my breath.
Constructing with my hands, the ordinary becomes miraculous
The land underneath me is alive, it is a flower of fire, a volcano connected through my veins

If its about loving, don't let my spirit rest, I ask.
and my dream is granted.
If its about loving don't let my spirit rest, I ask
and strength is given
If its about loving don't let my spirit rest, I ask
and my heart is expanded
If it's about loving don't let my spirit rest, I ask
and I am given myself back, I am given my people back.

To know our people , is to know ourselves
To know ourselves it is to know, the Love that knew us first
and to know Love, we know that when it is about loving we shall not rest.

at this moment in Rexdale, Toronto, there are people incarcerated for coming to Canada, because they are being kidnapped in Colombia, because they are being forced to be child soldiers in Sudan, because the drug lord in Chiapas, Mexico has killed everyone in their family, because they are being trafficked, tortured, and killed for being Roma.

at this moment in a small town in Puerto Rico, their is a young boy expressing his thoughts about being colonized in the 21st century, the expression bleeds hope on the wall, "I will be free".

at this moment, native Amazonian people are being pulled from their lands in Brasil, their lands are being stripped from them to build... a highway

at this moment there are people that are bound by Justice, in Canada, in Latin America, in Africa, everywhere, every place where when it comes to loving, the Spirit doesn't rest.

The dreams that we cultivate are manifested through the value we pour in to the path we have decided to take.

I am no longer in dream mode, dreams that have become paused never move with the rhythm our generation is demanding.

I am in walking mode, every step I take, is a step that would have been impossible, impossible if my uncle Francisco Efrain would have not decided to fight with the revolution in El Salvador, a step that would have been impossible if my family wouldn't of fled  El Salvador. But this would have been impossible if I wouldn't have realized, that the war, the torture, the hurt and pain that my people still breathe like pollution, shouldn't have happened.

My purpose is Peace, my generation is bound by Justice. We are the demand of our people, we must specialize in the impossible. Impossible for lifeless bodies, but possible for bodies that are not our own, possible for Spirits with a call, possible for hearts that are interconnected with the musings of the Creator.

I am no longer in dream mode, dreams that have become paused never move with the rhythm our generation is demanding.

I am in walking mode- walk with me.

Choose what gives your heart the most integrity

- It is Love that makes the revolution

"Choose what gives your heart the most integrity".- Nathanael Gerber

Since Tuesday night these lines have been playing in my spirit, unable to shake them off, I live in this statement and say that I will chose, that I want to choose, that today I choose.
 I choose my dreams, I choose my dreams of seeing justice in this world, I choose my dreams of passionate people making a difference in every corner of this world, I choose my dream of peace on earth, I choose to forgive myself, I choose to forgive you and over all I choose to love, to rejoice, to passionately keep fighting.

The notion of feeling tiny amidst skyscrapers, when in my heart a giant roars is a betrayal to the Love that chose me. In 2010, I was surrounded by mountains and dreams, I was being swallowed in to the most beautiful, consuming scenery of Latin America. Feeling small in the Amazon, was a testament to the beauty God had created, embracing it; is a testament to the beauty God has created in ME.

Fear has since been trying to cripple me, cripple my heart, cripple my dreams, cripple my speech, cripple my writing and cripple my strength.

The first cry I declare in victory is with pain, with honesty, with fear that is being overcome by God's faithfulness and abundant grace in my life. Amidst a life that breathes, a lifeless skeleton is what I was choosing to live in, even though the fire of truth has been trying to burn through me, today I choose to burn, burn, burn.

I choose to burn because the injustice in this world is not a crippling cancer that cannot be cured, but a thorn that will be pulled out and eradicated if those of us that choose love and unity decide to stand up!

If love remains, which it does, If the love that keeps giving continues too, which it does; we stand with every human being, we will fight against the disgusting plight of sorrow and hate we are meeting the nations with when they converge on to Canadian soil.

If love remains, which it does, If the love that keeps giving continues too, which it does; the immigrant and refugee will be greeted with open doors, not with  hesitation that they will make our borders unsecure.

The hatred that fills our hearts is enough, ENOUGH is ENOUGH! Many of us have dreams of going out in to the nations and bringing the good news, yet when the nations come to our country and they so desperately need our love and compassion, we are afraid for our security. How dare we have the audacity to want to serve the nations, yet we inadvertently will only serve them if they do not decide to invade 'our land', use our services, take advantage of our tax dollars, and ruin our economy? How dare we not be standing up in the masses for the refugees and immigrants that come in to our countries?

I choose to love the refugee, because it gives integrity to my heart.


If love remains, which it does, If the love that keeps giving continues too, which it does;
We will not stand by and watch our government support the mass murder of people in other countries, we will let our government know that the lives of the Palestinians are as valuable as the lives of the Israeli's. We will let our government know that the systemic hatred they impose on to the Roma people, who were also victims of the Holocaust is not just unacceptable but participating in murder and perpetrating violent and hateful societies.

 We will let our government know that ignoring and ensuing hatred towards those living in poverty, will not just make for a more unjust, uncompassionate society, but will continue to build a country fuelled by consuming indifference. When will we learn and stop saying, "never again", when will we refuse bandaids like Ontario Works and food banks, and actually hold our government and ourselves accountable for the poverty that drowns our society ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

I choose to love the Palestinian, the Israeli, the Roma and the poor, because it gives integrity to my heart.
I choose to fight back against the government with love, If we continue to choose love for those that are marginalized, love will break indifference!

If love remains, which it does, If the love that keeps giving continues too, which it does;
We will stand with the First Nations community, not just in Canada but around the world, as our native people have had a glimpse of forgiveness and an end to sorrow, only bandaids have been applied to keep them shut. May the journey of forgiveness, be met with justice, met with an end to hatred, an end to sorrow, an end systemic violence, an end to promises unkept. Creator has given us this land, so we may live together in unity, but to live in unity without repression. I stand in Solidarity, not to help, or give answers, but to love, to love those that love this country so much, they are willing to rise up!

If love remains, which it does, If the love that keeps giving continues too, which it does;
I choose today, I choose Hamilton, I choose my present. I choose to live everyday in God's presence, bursting with joy because the love that He gives me cannot be contained. I choose to release the honest and beautiful truths, that God shares with me, I choose to remind you today, yes, YOU that there is no such thing as help-less or voice-less, we simply see helpless or voiceless because we have forgotten of the great courage and strength that we carry, the fight that we may feel, has been overcome. Overcome your fear to choose what gives integrity to your heart.


I choose all of this, because love chose me, because what gives integrity to my heart is Freedom, the freedom that was given to me as True Love hung on the tree and said, 'IT IS FINISHED'. We are free, free to stand with the refugee, free to stand with the marganalized, free to stand with the victim of war. Free because we were chosen by Love himself, to love one another.

- Chose what gives your heart the most integrity

Love until it hurts.

In no moment like this have I felt the need to be closer to the Father, chasing life in death I have chosen life time and time again, because He chose me.

He chose me.

I have lived this whole past year, involved in many amazing things, life changing things that have brought me to discover more and more who I am. But in this discovery I have found a broken girl, I wander in this place drenched in Hope, unable to truly give of myself to the purpose He created me for. All i know is that He chose me, as He hung on the cross, He still chose me and because of this i want to learn more and more to love like He does, to transform like He does, to rejoice like He does and to glorify the Father like He does.

As a child I used to pray to feel Jesus' heart, and these past few years I have seen glimpses of what that feels like, but in these last few months working with the greater community, I leave every appointment broken, broken down to the injustices of this world, broken for loneliness, broken for sickness, broken for thinking I cannot change the world

But i see heaven invade these spaces everyday, God's presence gives me strength to encourage, and to love strangers that come in to my office everyday. My desire to change the world comes from the heart God has placed in me, these dreams of justice, peace, unity and love coincide with His, I will not be blind to our brokenness because even in all of this muck, Jesus is glorified by our choice for Life.

To the refugee that comes in to my office- let Heaven come.
To the cancer patient that comes in to my office- let Heaven come.
To the lonely that comes in to my office- let Heaven come
and to the broken- let Heaven come.

I revel in the notion that Love is what will break the injustices of this world, and that God has chosen us to participate with Him. To love, and to love until it hurts.

I experienced two weeks ago, what I had experienced in many of my trips, that loving until it hurt is what keeps me alive, interviewing this older man, i realized that the hardship of immigration carries on for years, that loneliness and separation of true community has left people behind. As i wept for him, i knew i wept for all of my people. Many from Latin America are experiencing what this man is experiencing, the feeling of loneliness would not escape my heart, his sun drenched face, his scolded hands- everything didn't escape me, and my only reasoning is that this is because i have been called to make a difference, and because i need to live up to that purpose. Jesus, you have trusted me with so much, make me whole so that I may be who you see me to be.

I learn to love in different ways everyday, and recently with the Ecumenical Refugee Support Committee, i learn to love this government that continues to disappoint me each and everyday, I will love them, because it is through different acts of love, that they will be transformed.

We are not a Church of broken people, we are people that have chosen to stay broken, our brothers and sisters need us to stand and be who we are, so that we may stand with them.

"Your gift is not for you.
You cannot discover who you are by yourself.
It has to be in the context of serving people."
-Bill Johnson

Aqui se respira lucha

Every beat of my heart i want to live in worship.

 The Father has infinitely inspired me in these past few months, He moves me in such a away that makes me only want to be present.
I want my life to be a song that sings of freedom, of a girl who seeks peace and justice everywhere she goes, i want to love, love, love.

From May till now, I've been quiet with my own writing, I've struggled, I've matured, I've fallen, i've gotten up, I've moved on, I've learned to love again, to forgive- but most importantly I've learned to be present.
I've reencountered a passion for community that I thought was lost, I have realized that my love for justice is deep rooted in my love for latin america, but that those roots bring me back here, Hamilton.
I dream of a language that would unite us all, that would bring the Church to what it was originally meant to be, instead of waiting i want to be part of that process, i want to be part of the artistry that continues to create Kingdom within our communities.

As communities our duty is to love, despite our differences we are called to LOVE.
I have the privilege of being the daughter of two of the most amazing people i know, my parents selflessness and care for their fellow brother and sister has been contagious and has been a driving force in forming the person I am today.

Recently we dealt with the passing of  my dad's best friend whom because of the war in El Salvador was left as an orphan at a very young age, Matias didn't have any blood family, but he had us. In life and in death, we are called to love, we are called to envelop people with that beautiful grace Jesus so willingly gives us. Being an immigrant or refugee forces you to breathe struggle, to breathe fight, the injustices of the countries that are left behind are for ever imprinted in the spirit. The passion of the latin american community drives me to keep working towards the dreams that I hold close to my heart but that i willingly share. I refuse to forget that at this moment there are children abandoned on the street, i refuse to forget those that do not have a voice, the right to education, the right to living without war and violence. I refuse to forget those that are forgotten, the war in El Salvador 'ended' in 1992, but the many children left abandoned are still abandoned, Matias was one of those children. His passing has really pierced my spirit, because as a community we often forget what a small gesture, smile or act of kindness can do for someone that is alone. Let us be reminded of the people we get angry at in the Tim Hortons line, or the person we are screaming at in traffic, or the homeless person we pass by on the way to work, everyone has a story, shall we listen, love and be the community we are meant to be?

Aqui se respira lucha
Here we breathe struggle

This is a struggle with  a happy ending, we must choose that happy ending, the storm passes and justice prevails. I often struggle with all the wonderful things God has given me, but the thing is even though I may not be ready to receive or be who He has made me to be, I am ready and worthy in His eyes.

"Qué pequeñas son mis manos en relación con todo lo que la vida ha querido darme"

-Ramón J. Sénder

"How small are my hands in relation to all that Life has wanted to give me"

-Ramón J. Sénder

I am constantly given opportunities to see God's amazing purpose and love in others, i see it every week at the Hamilton Community Legal Clinic, I see it in Santiago's love and work with Refugees, I see it in Minnelle's commitment to bringing dignity and compassion at the funeral home, I see it in Nate every time he shares his music and vision with the world, in Alanna when she shares the musings of her wonderful spirit as she so deeply loves God's heart and wants to see a change in this world, In Carlos' untainted love and passion for art (and Easter Island ;) ), in Erica as she passes on her passion for learning and discovering, and in Ken as he embarks on his amazing journey in Ecuador- My dear friends, my family- your dreams help my heart keep beating. Thank you for being those beams of light on this earth.

Let's hear it for love!

Come Alive 

 Life is not meant to be lived in such a way that we tiptoe quietly into our deaths. Maybe we should take big leaps, big steps, dances and prances... It is wonderful and beautiful to be alive... and yet we are so careful and we conform to the world as if our lives were just meant to hide in the ordinary...

 I’ve allowed the hustle and bustle of life to overwhelm me.

 What makes you come alive?

I’ve been searching for some sort of meaning, purpose, inspiration that will bring me back to life, i’ve found myself walking around, with breath coming out of my lungs, but my breathing seems to be life-less, less life, less heart, less l.i.v.i.n.g.

  i need to come alive 
 where did my passion go? 
 i need to come alive

 We get in a routine and somewhere along the line, we start rolling with the punches. We start letting circumstances take precedence over our hopes and dreams. And Lately, I’ve been pondering a few things:  We were created to create. We were created to move with purpose. Today you have a decision to make. Will you choose to be consumed by your own personal comfort? Or will you choose to be so consumed with loving and dreaming for others that you begin to create change?

  “The love for the less fortunate is a beautiful thing- the love for those who suffer, for those who are poor, the sick, the failures, the unlovely. This is compassion, and it touches the heart of the world. This is God’s love. It conquers the world.” – Francis Chan

  i need to come alive
 where did my passion go?
 i need to come alive

 how can i restore my heart’s life?
 i think the answer lies in honesty, being honest with myself, with the world and especially with my community. radical change only happens, when we chose to be radically changed ourselves. 

I am a wanderer, an adventurer, i have felt stuck time and time again here in Hamilton, my day to day, working at a cell phone store, school, and working with the AFH have slowly become part of a routine. i am stuck in a lifeless passion for what i do.

  i need to come alive 
 where did my passion go?
 i need to come alive

In this search for passion, i came up with a theory: at one point i was passionate about all of these things, and the common denominator was, people, i am passionate about people, i am passionate about change, about justice, about art and collective communities. What is stopping me from pursuing that? lack of honesty with myself, as much i love to love, i am afraid to love, and working with people, building community and creating change all include loving and being loved.

 we have been consumed by our daily routines that letting people be part of our day to day becomes fearful.
  i need to come alive
 where did my passion go?
 i need to come alive

i’ve been realizing that the only way for me to remain passionate is to be passionate about my friends and their dreams as well, building community around friendship seems to be the way of moving through the heart lines of life.

 Recently i was able to spend some time with some of my dearest friends:

 Santiago is on his way to pour out life in to the States for a few months (Set the world on fire!!) 

Minnelle is starting up a business she is excited and passionate about (GO GIRL!!)

 Nate is continuing to wow me with his music and beautiful ways of building community (keep changing the world, one community at a time, one heart at a time) He has a concert coming up, check it out!! ( https://www.facebook.com/events/445538782125859/ )

 and this weekend i got to see Carlos in action as he took pictures at the Carassauga festival, your dedication, love and passion for pursuing your dreams inspires me, keep at it! (http://www.flickr.com/photos/trakoroche/ )

 Thank you friends, you make me come alive. :)

 I will always find my heart wandering around the world, but Hamilton, your imperfection breathes life in to me, your schools, your children, your distinct communities make me come alive. lets keep creating change, life, and community

  we are worth the risk.

So again – here’s my question:
What makes you come alive?

 Go after it.

Find your passion and purpose and move with courage.

 and since we are being honest (hehe) There are certain moments in life that I miss.

This is one of them: Traveling across the world with some of my dearest friends & playing games in the Amazon with village kids.

Take me back to Latin America. My feet are longing to be on foreign soil.


 Friends: Lets Go!

Jump First, Fear Later

I came across this article a couple of days ago, it captures a lot of what has been tugging at my heart strings recently!
a quick update on my life, soon to come :)


This is the thing: When you hit 25 or 30, everything begins to divide. You can see very clearly two kinds of people. On one side, people who have used their 20s to learn and grow, to find … themselves and their dreams, people who know what works and what doesn’t, who have pushed through to become real live adults. Then there’s the other kind, who are hanging onto college, or high school even, with all their might. They’ve stayed in jobs they hate, because they’re too scared to get another one. They’ve stayed with men or women who are good but not great, because they don’t want to be lonely. … they mean to develop intimate friendships, they mean to stop drinking like life is one big frat party. But they don’t do those things, so they live in an extended adolescence, no closer to adulthood than when they graduated.

Don’t be like that. Don’t get stuck. Move, travel, take a class, take a risk. There is a season for wildness and a season for settledness, and this is neither. This season is about becoming. Don’t lose yourself at happy hour, but don’t lose yourself on the corporate ladder either. Stop every once in a while and go out to coffee or climb in bed with your journal.

Ask yourself some good questions like: “Am I proud of the life I’m living? What have I tried this month? … Do the people I’m spending time with give me life, or make me feel small? Is there any brokenness in my life that’s keeping me from moving forward?”

Now is your time. Walk closely with people you love, and with people who believe … life is a grand adventure. Don’t get stuck in the past, and don’t try to fast-forward yourself into a future you haven’t yet earned. Give today all the love and intensity and courage you can, and keep traveling honestly along life’s path.

— Relevant magazine