~My heart is like a loudspeaker

Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty.

I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Strip me

I've had this song on repeat all day, it fills me with joy :)

The truth is, the last couple days have been filled with complaining, planning the future and hoping that tomorrow will be better- Seriously! what the heck! i need a reality check! Today is wonderful, i have air in my lungs, a voice to reach many -'my heart is like a loudspeaker'.

23 yearsold and unsatisfied with the everyday, day dreaming of my amazon, Bolivian mountains, Venezuelan communities, Tanzanian deserts and the endless El Salvadorian sunsets.

but there is joy in all of this.

to be honest, i never really pictured myself still in Hamilton, very much decided but confused all at the same time. I have answers and a map laid out in front of me- God constantly taking me by the hand and saying 'Just Go"

but there is joy in all of this.

i would much rather be in the middle of no where in the Amazon right now, but i am here, here in Hamilton, here in Canada, in my familiarity, in my comfort zone- but why is it a constant struggle to feel home here?

but there is joy in all of this.

I had all these questions spinning in my head at work today, it was crazy busy and i really had no energy to spark conversation or intentionally build any sort of connection with the customers, until this really joyfull woman came with her baby boy. She sat him down on the counter and he would smile and giggle at me. I could have been anywhere, but at that moment this little boy's joyful spirit captivated me and totally changed my day. A simple example of God's joy, i felt compelled to ask the mother his name, to which she replied ' Jahsanti, it means sent by God' I could feel my spirit bursting, and leaping out of this crazy rut i had chosen to stay in. so thankful for that moment. thankful for being in Hamilton :)

I have a fleeting spirit, one that constantly wants to run, but Papa just wants to walk with me at the moment and i feel like maybe sharing that little struggle i have with myself will encourage others that feel the same. There is so much to do, so much love to give, so much change to bring forth and so much peace to deliver. But we cannot give, bring, or deliver anything that we personally do not have in our hearts. Im learning to find joy in the everyday, happiness to know that right at this moment im interconnected with every continent in this world. I realized that my closest friends are all in other places right now, in Europe, in Asia, in Africa and out west- to a certain extent the melancholy behind missing them is unhealthy because i want to be happy for them and share in their joy- but at the same time i would want them all with me at the same time haha
not for now- but its okay it just means we have more undiscovered adventures ahead of us, more trails to walk and songs to sing- always free falling!

JOY!

miss and love you all!
<3