Risk.

for the past few weeks i've been in a mix of emotions and wallowing in memories, unable to fully express how my heart has mapped itself out into a disarmed, vulnerable, unreleased captive. I turn to writing things down, as emotions can be fleeting- but true feelings have always been captured by words on paper that i can look back on. I learned a while ago that a broken heart is the first step in surrender, in that case i've taken a giant leap.

'When you can invest yourself deeply and intermittently in the life that surrounds you, instead of declaring yourself out of the game, because what has happened to you is too bad, too deep, too ugly for anyone to expect you to move on from, that’s that good rich place. That’s the place where things that looked for all intents and purposes, like curses, start to stand up and shimmer, and you realize with a gasp that they might have been blessings all along'.

Nothing good comes easily. You have to lose things you thought you loved, give up things you thought you needed. You have to get over yourself, beyond your past, and out from under the weight of your future.

The good stuff never comes easy.

Friendship is about risk. Love is about risk.

Inspired- thoughts& dreams

I've been learning recently to live in the sense of possibilities, i mean dreaming the impossible, allowing inspiration to transform my heart and to embrace healing. Sometimes i find it to be such an impossible task, but one thing i know is true- Love decides everything. He's got it under control. Giving life to my dreams, learning how to heal this brokeness inside of me, letting Love be my protest, walking alongside humanity raising the banner of love. The love it will emit wont be able to be disputed, for the light it will shine will be the light of a perfect love being emanted by a perfect Creator.






Let your hope keep you joyful, be patient in your troubles and pray at all times.
Romans12:12
-truth.

The world is waiting :) soon, very soon- learning to be where God wants me to be.






When leaving the nest, you have one of two options:
to let yourself fall without even have tried to spread your wings,
or to flap those wings with all that is within you and learn to fly.
Either one can't be done unless you jump-
so i jump!

"Run like you've never run before."

In all the joys of today i received a message from a good friend, who gave me advice without knowing it,"Run like you've never run before", he said. And so i must, to Rwanda perhaps in a month or so. Here is what's been stirring in my heart in the last little while! :)












Run Like You've Never Run before

an unknown path, a winding dusty road, running towards me on the brink of taking the leap. they all take a hold of my hand and say "Run like you've never run before'.

removing spiderwebs from this cold frozen heart, as it breaks itself out into freedom, nations provide the sunrise.

Love is transforming me, how can i not be free?
capturing the slave i had let myself be, the Wind found me.
Foundations of love's rage for my liberation, loves captivating grace, how can i not be free?

called to be flags on the land, we will trace the gentle face of truth and allow for impassioned hearts to run into the Wild.
satisfying my heart with nothing less than Love
whoever is dedicated to truth and opens up to love must consent to the struggle which these decisions entail
Love let me see you.

walk in the sight of love, letting go of fear and being captured by the wonder of a burning spirit, that takes hold of the whole world, to open up the eyes of those that have forgotten. May we be kindness to those that have never felt the savouring Kiss of Freedom.
Folding out of my cocoon, into the mystery and the Wonder that the Wind holds, may I be like the dry wheat awaiting for the Sun to burn me and be its prey!
Understand that love is coming after you as if you were the only one, Run in to love's arms!

Run like you've never run before

Constant reminders of the change that is nearing, are within you,
under the field of stars, i still need the lamp post that will guide me, holding seeds of generations in my heart- setting the world on fire, searching the heart of mystery, will you run with me?

More than ever have I needed to be free to love with a love that is simple, direct and open to anyone at any time, in the unshakable conviction that such love can cast out all fear and overcome all the powers of destruction and death.

Break down the barriers with that gentle outcry of those that are lost, with those that you want me to love and console- seeds of generations in my heart, setting the world on fire.

an unknown path, a winding dusty road, running towards me on the brink of taking the leap. they all take a hold of my hand and say 'Run like you've never run before'.

let me be desirous only of that which let's others be- be within the presence of Truth, knowing the true thunder of love's conviction.

Mastering of time and space, shall limit the humanity that allows us to enter fully into a plan of love that transcends time and space, may we run freely into our own identity.

Stirring compassion, let us paint the Kingdom with all it's beautiful colours, allowing us to regain our humanity, the Humanity that glorifies itself in the Sunrise!

i want to live and i want to brave to set this world on fire with Love, and for that i ask of all of you will you "run like you've never run before?"

Love decides everything – Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Picture taken at this year's annual School of the America's watch.




Walking down the street in downtown Hamilton yesterday, i saw these string of art pieces on the street,one of them caught my eye and pursued my heart, this is what what was written on it:


Emergence
Wrapping your present self in old beliefs keeps your feet on the ground
if that's where you want to be.
time to shake the hand-me-down habits, those gentle, mindful muzzlings and set yourself free.
What she came to understand is she had already arrived and believing was all she had to do.
A cocoon is the thought behind the moment the butterfly takes flight.

All what my soul longs for, wrapped up in a few words- freedom ,flight,wanting the Wind to take me.

This month has been interesting for me, as the past few posts I've been going through a season of stretching, leaping, not fearing, trusting, and being bold.

Echoing in me since my trip to El Salvador;
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice

Social Justice is not a sexy movement for me, it not a fad, or a past time- my heart burns for those that are desolate. Passion stirs in me for change, i have little tolerance for indifference and patience is taking its toll.
I have to keep at it, my heart keeps telling me- "Seeking justice is always a risk, but it's a worthy risk."
I want to encourage you all, I know that sometimes it feels like the flame is burning out and no one cares, but what is inside of us is not just an awakening- it is Life. Life breathing truth in us, truth being born into the masses, being born into the Kingdom. Don't just be a torch bearer or a vessel, be the burning flame, be change.

I've recently had a re-focusing of life, a re constructing of vision, into pure, plain, understanding that, Love decides everything,I may have dreams and aspirations,i might drag myself into the world everyday, but if i don't allow the Spirit to take hold of my life like the Wind takes hold of the sails. I will continue walking, lost and confused.

I've recently been invited to partake in a trip to Chile with an amazing organization, its a two week trip, it will be filled with meetings with dignitaries, Church people, activists and the like; I'm excited to see what God will do with this opportunity. I've turned over the sails to the Wind... :-)

Much of this refocusing has to do with me understanding that everything I do or say may be seen as crazy, unbalanced- overly hopeful and naive. I sometimes laugh at that because much of my rebellion just comes from questioning the norm, as i delve more and more into the life of Jesus, I know that's what He calls us to be. Little sparkling fireflies into dark places, path ways in unmarked lands- What would i be? what would i be if I wouldn't let Love decide?

I've seriously been encouraged and quiet humbled by the testimony of the School of The America's Watch. This organization has been fighting against injustice since the early 1980's, bringing awareness to the atrocities happening in Latin America while shedding light on how to make this stop.

A few nights ago, i was able to read, watch and listen to a string of links on what they do and I was left with an unsettled heavy heart. My heart was heavy, deeply rooted in the purpose of this organization, was surrendering one's life for Justice. It's a hard thought to grasp, its an even harder life to live- I am far from perfect and have to continue fighting everyday, but I know I'm not in this alone- this generation is finding it's place, living within the poor, crossing borders to free prisoners and entering into civil disobedience to be obedient to the Word. I have found my place within the body- and we need to keep moving!



I'm really inspired by the many organizations and beautiful people that surround me these days. This, is what I have my heart set on right now, (if you have the time, watch it)

Love to all!

Ivania

"Peace is first of all the art of being." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

Picture taken on my trip to the Amazon, in Venezuela 2009->

Life has become full of wondering, wandering, feeling lost, loneliness and all of that kind of stuff that doesnt come from Him, it's been that type of season... one where i can feel happiness at the tip of my fingers.

It's seems i've missed the point here and there- but im learning everyday to trust.- to keep Hope and just be. 'Fighting for peace!' has been the constant 'advice' from a close friend, and the more I try to take that in, the more i understand that true peace will only come from loving without surrender.

About a week ago i received two different directions- two countries calling to me- usually i would of left without thinking, allow my wings to open up and just soar, that's what my spirit would desire!

El Salvador and Rwanda were put on my radar- one with an organization called Innerchange and another teaching in the heart of Africa. Both beautiful possibilities, that really were starting to make me question what i was 'doing' here.

Its seems like this season, has been full of learning how to say no, when the Spirit says no.True communion with Papa, is hard, makes you vulnerable and feels like you are getting stretched north to south- but its beautiful on this side! Freedom!
Even talking about this is a little hard on the heart, dont get me wrong its an amazing journey and I am so thankful, but my humanity tends to get in the way sometimes hehe.

I am loved far beyond the boundaries of this world, and that is the type of love I was made to share.
I met up with two beautiful women of God today, one new friend and the other someone i've known all my life. Equally inspiring. living their lives by being love - i was so encouraged to be surrounded by such wonderful people. Sharing our experiences about Bolivia and El Salvador, made me glow all day jaja- not to mention the sun was really intense today, just the way i was feeling inside :) Thinking about all the beautiful people i've met on my past trips really leaves me humbled. The children have taught an endless piece of wisdom- 'let joy guide you, walk in it's innocence and just love'.

Just finished reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings...and this quote could not reflect more what i've BEEN feeling (past now ;) God is so merciful- im SO thankful so so thankful for you and you!

Keep walking in Light!

"The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world--free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless.... I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

~My heart is like a loudspeaker

Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty.

I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Strip me

I've had this song on repeat all day, it fills me with joy :)

The truth is, the last couple days have been filled with complaining, planning the future and hoping that tomorrow will be better- Seriously! what the heck! i need a reality check! Today is wonderful, i have air in my lungs, a voice to reach many -'my heart is like a loudspeaker'.

23 yearsold and unsatisfied with the everyday, day dreaming of my amazon, Bolivian mountains, Venezuelan communities, Tanzanian deserts and the endless El Salvadorian sunsets.

but there is joy in all of this.

to be honest, i never really pictured myself still in Hamilton, very much decided but confused all at the same time. I have answers and a map laid out in front of me- God constantly taking me by the hand and saying 'Just Go"

but there is joy in all of this.

i would much rather be in the middle of no where in the Amazon right now, but i am here, here in Hamilton, here in Canada, in my familiarity, in my comfort zone- but why is it a constant struggle to feel home here?

but there is joy in all of this.

I had all these questions spinning in my head at work today, it was crazy busy and i really had no energy to spark conversation or intentionally build any sort of connection with the customers, until this really joyfull woman came with her baby boy. She sat him down on the counter and he would smile and giggle at me. I could have been anywhere, but at that moment this little boy's joyful spirit captivated me and totally changed my day. A simple example of God's joy, i felt compelled to ask the mother his name, to which she replied ' Jahsanti, it means sent by God' I could feel my spirit bursting, and leaping out of this crazy rut i had chosen to stay in. so thankful for that moment. thankful for being in Hamilton :)

I have a fleeting spirit, one that constantly wants to run, but Papa just wants to walk with me at the moment and i feel like maybe sharing that little struggle i have with myself will encourage others that feel the same. There is so much to do, so much love to give, so much change to bring forth and so much peace to deliver. But we cannot give, bring, or deliver anything that we personally do not have in our hearts. Im learning to find joy in the everyday, happiness to know that right at this moment im interconnected with every continent in this world. I realized that my closest friends are all in other places right now, in Europe, in Asia, in Africa and out west- to a certain extent the melancholy behind missing them is unhealthy because i want to be happy for them and share in their joy- but at the same time i would want them all with me at the same time haha
not for now- but its okay it just means we have more undiscovered adventures ahead of us, more trails to walk and songs to sing- always free falling!

JOY!

miss and love you all!
<3

~ she is free to live passionately and boldly, on the pursuit of only Love ,then like the hero of that fable, her dance will dazzle the world.

Photo cred- Kenneth J. Semenuk


hellllllllo my friends :-)
i look forward to seeing some of you soon and sharing, what has been happening in the last little while, but for now, this shall suffice!

I've spent some time just basking in His presence, constantly asking God to just use me, pursuing Love has become my new air, I cant breathe without it!

In last few weeks, I've been inspired by a few things and people- all things that make me want to draw nearer to God- wanting to grow closer in relationship with Him, understanding His heart and the way that he sees this crazy wonderful world.

Early October i went to an Invisible Children screening at Mac, i had gone to a screening a couple of years ago and had been left transformed, and somehow feeling hopeful but hopeless at the same time. After a few debrief sessions with some friends and raising awareness about what was happening in Uganda,i realized that there will be an end to this brutal massacre. This last screening wasn't really about the movie for me, but more so about meeting Sunday. Sunday is a young guy that was born in Uganda, was a child soldier, was rehabilitated and is attending university now. The future and hope of Uganda in this one boys story!! transformation, courage and raw faith! It was really great to hear his story and just share life for a few brief moments. I left that room with a huge smile on my face, knowing that my Father is constantly calling his children home, no matter what circumstance. Meeting Sunday, really challenged me and made me all that more thankful about the people in my life and the love I'm constantly greeted with everyday day.

a few weeks ago Erica (my younger sister) came into my room telling me i needed to watch this trailer Return to El Salvador Erica was freaking out because she had noticed both our last names, Erazo and Gonzalez in the trailer- it had somehow awakened something in her and she felt that we needed to watch this movie and find out everything about it.
I left it for a bit, until the next day, i could still feel the impact of the trailer and God puncturing my heart with passion and curiosity- awakening my identity. And so i did what i normally do when I'm inspired and all riled up about something haha, i facebook msged a few of my friends and told them we needed to go watch this documentary. I went on two different occasions, the first with Miranda and Sharon- two of the most beautiful people i know, hearts on fire for justice and simply always ready to love.
The second time, i went after an event HFA had at city hall.
The whole day i had been extremely nervous because i was supposed to speak on behalf of the association, i seriously don't know what had gotten into me hahaha i couldn't stop fidgeting, or shaking! I met up with my friend Ken for coffee before the event, and God spoke through him as He poured out peace through our conversation. God is so faithful, constantly bringing joy to my life through wonderful people, Ken exhibited some of his beautiful photographs at our event. The event was about promoting Latino/Hispanic culture- what an honour it was for us to have such a talented artist showing us a piece of the Argentina he experienced.
Off we were to my second screening of Return to El Salvador where we met up with another friend, Nate (Nate is in South Africa right now, changing the world as i write this :-)), I couldn't have gone to see this movie with four better people i think (no offence to the rest of you that couldn't go ;) haha) but it was just great to share, and learn from the diverse thoughts on the film. All and all i left challenged to continue on my walk towards peace. There is no freedom more beautiful then that one which asks us to love and serve.

And so that brings me to my last little testimony. I've been struggling with what "to do" with my life for the last little while (give or take a couple of years lol), Career wise i mean, i am called to Love and serve above all- and its been hard to 'find' something that encompasses all that and something that brings me alive. After some long thinking, deep conversation and prayer- i found something :) I'm going to be attending Mohawk College in January for their 2 yr program for Immigrant and Refugee case worker. At this moment i don't think i could find something that will make me happier, until God decides to turn me in another direction of course hahah but for now this is where i feel Him calling me, I'm excited!

lets see each other soon and enjoy this beautiful fall weather!! :-)

please keep me in your prayers and thoughts!

love to all!!
Ivania