~ she is free to live passionately and boldly, on the pursuit of only Love ,then like the hero of that fable, her dance will dazzle the world.

Photo cred- Kenneth J. Semenuk


hellllllllo my friends :-)
i look forward to seeing some of you soon and sharing, what has been happening in the last little while, but for now, this shall suffice!

I've spent some time just basking in His presence, constantly asking God to just use me, pursuing Love has become my new air, I cant breathe without it!

In last few weeks, I've been inspired by a few things and people- all things that make me want to draw nearer to God- wanting to grow closer in relationship with Him, understanding His heart and the way that he sees this crazy wonderful world.

Early October i went to an Invisible Children screening at Mac, i had gone to a screening a couple of years ago and had been left transformed, and somehow feeling hopeful but hopeless at the same time. After a few debrief sessions with some friends and raising awareness about what was happening in Uganda,i realized that there will be an end to this brutal massacre. This last screening wasn't really about the movie for me, but more so about meeting Sunday. Sunday is a young guy that was born in Uganda, was a child soldier, was rehabilitated and is attending university now. The future and hope of Uganda in this one boys story!! transformation, courage and raw faith! It was really great to hear his story and just share life for a few brief moments. I left that room with a huge smile on my face, knowing that my Father is constantly calling his children home, no matter what circumstance. Meeting Sunday, really challenged me and made me all that more thankful about the people in my life and the love I'm constantly greeted with everyday day.

a few weeks ago Erica (my younger sister) came into my room telling me i needed to watch this trailer Return to El Salvador Erica was freaking out because she had noticed both our last names, Erazo and Gonzalez in the trailer- it had somehow awakened something in her and she felt that we needed to watch this movie and find out everything about it.
I left it for a bit, until the next day, i could still feel the impact of the trailer and God puncturing my heart with passion and curiosity- awakening my identity. And so i did what i normally do when I'm inspired and all riled up about something haha, i facebook msged a few of my friends and told them we needed to go watch this documentary. I went on two different occasions, the first with Miranda and Sharon- two of the most beautiful people i know, hearts on fire for justice and simply always ready to love.
The second time, i went after an event HFA had at city hall.
The whole day i had been extremely nervous because i was supposed to speak on behalf of the association, i seriously don't know what had gotten into me hahaha i couldn't stop fidgeting, or shaking! I met up with my friend Ken for coffee before the event, and God spoke through him as He poured out peace through our conversation. God is so faithful, constantly bringing joy to my life through wonderful people, Ken exhibited some of his beautiful photographs at our event. The event was about promoting Latino/Hispanic culture- what an honour it was for us to have such a talented artist showing us a piece of the Argentina he experienced.
Off we were to my second screening of Return to El Salvador where we met up with another friend, Nate (Nate is in South Africa right now, changing the world as i write this :-)), I couldn't have gone to see this movie with four better people i think (no offence to the rest of you that couldn't go ;) haha) but it was just great to share, and learn from the diverse thoughts on the film. All and all i left challenged to continue on my walk towards peace. There is no freedom more beautiful then that one which asks us to love and serve.

And so that brings me to my last little testimony. I've been struggling with what "to do" with my life for the last little while (give or take a couple of years lol), Career wise i mean, i am called to Love and serve above all- and its been hard to 'find' something that encompasses all that and something that brings me alive. After some long thinking, deep conversation and prayer- i found something :) I'm going to be attending Mohawk College in January for their 2 yr program for Immigrant and Refugee case worker. At this moment i don't think i could find something that will make me happier, until God decides to turn me in another direction of course hahah but for now this is where i feel Him calling me, I'm excited!

lets see each other soon and enjoy this beautiful fall weather!! :-)

please keep me in your prayers and thoughts!

love to all!!
Ivania

There Are No Seams!

I've sat here trying to edit some earlier written entries, and im challenged by the echo of truth. Opinions, facts, truth, simple-raw-reality in my life. How can i run away from that? The one question i keep asking myself is 'why are you complaining so much when 'they' have so little?' I've never been comfortable about being comfortable, there is something within me that rejects it, yet i fit into it so perfectly, i've allowed comformity to fit me like a glove.

This is my biggest challenge in the current season im in, how do i break free?? how can i run with the truth and scream to the mountain top without fear? What im most afraid of is, is that i can, my life was not made for conformity, my wings have no seams, they are made to shake off fear and just be bold.

The truth is, being in Canada makes me unhappy, or is it the lack of community i feel here? the constant longing for a church that engages into a true relationship with Christ than one that is solely happy with golden chalices and their starving countries left behind. Lets be honest for a second, i grew up being spoonfed the Gospel, into compassion, into solidarity yet at the second that i get a chance to forget what all of that means, i choose too. Growing up in a beautiful church adorned with marble and gold... i bought into the pretending that this was the real world. How could i adjust reality into this truth of marble walls, stain glass windows and starving children in Latin America?

How can i listen on saturday nights, to sermons about loving one another when neither of us sitting there will even smile at the homeless lady waiting outside for some food. Maybe she was desperetly looking for the truth like i am.

The Church is not made for people that want to work on their own, but one's that are willing to give it all up for their Brother and ask God to share His heart. Because seriously, what kind of world has He been left with to love, yet He still presses on..on... and on...and on...

What do we do now? I can complain or simply share the facts with what is happening, and im sure my church isnt the only one that isnt truly aligning with what the Word is constantly revealing. God says it so simply: Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy"

How is it possible that after an amazing service, we feel on top of the world and like God can do anything through us,but when we walk by 'Sally' in downtown Hamilton we wont even look at her for she is only part of the scenery.
I've been fed up with going to church on the weekend but not being challenged to BE Church everyday of the week. why is it that we have become afraid of being bold, yet when a friend dare's you to do something out of the ordinary you will do it, because you simply cant back down. Well i cant simply back down from this, im thirsty for community, im thirsty for truth, im thirsty for Justice to be the norm and for us to never have to think twice about choosing love vs hate. Please friends, lets be uncomfortable during these circumstances, lets not look away from the injustices of this world, that we as a church keep participating in. This is not the Church He wants, lets be love...simple and honest love.
Love that does not walk away but walks with, love that wants food for the neighbour as much as for self, love that desires justice for Canada but also for the rest of the world. Revival is not for one single place, but for His whole Creation.

These are words that challenge me everyday, let them remind you everyday to love without seams, that's the way He loves us, lets share it!

"Love has no meaning if it isn't shared. Love has to be put into action. You have to love without expectation, to do something for love itself, not for what you may receive. If you expect something in return, then it isn't love, because true love is loving without conditions and expectations" - Mother Teresa

I grew up with the echo of this man's bold love for his people, i grew up with many repercussions of the war, but i grew up with the same Hope he professed- i cant forget that, and i cant simply be satisfied with what our church is living as truth, we need a reality check into what true communion with the Father's heart means.

El Condor Vuela- 'The Condor Soars'

"From this moment I offer my blood to God for the redemption and resurrection of El Salvador. Let my blood be a seed of freedom and the sign that hope will soon be reality".-Oscar Romero

~This piece woke me up a few nights ago, unable to sleep with all of this on my heart, i felt the Spirit drawing me to share and at 1am i was writing this. I read this today in Romero's autobiography- "These days I walk the roads gathering up dead friends, listening to widows and orphans, and trying to spread hope," , and it convicted me even more to share what God continues to download into my heart about Justice.

Bound by the making of The soaring Spirit.
Page by page equals revealed noncomplaint history.

Built for Rebellion, built for purple sky's and red walk ways
The kingdom of truth and Saved pages, the kingdom of Burning chapters, the kingdom of Promised words.
Bound,strapped,held into the relevance of these times as the bird that does not walk or leap but fly's, fly's free into an abyss where history and future collide into creation of the ordinary world born in to extraordinary.
Freedom cries out as the new world brings a new canvas to be delivered.
Just as it is. Just is. Justice

Justice roams into the spirit of the Freedom bird. Bound by Justice it soars, it soars
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Freedom Bound
Revealed into the wings of Home.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Wings stretched out, carrying the heart of the forgotten Andes in its heart.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice

Leaping through the fire of the desert, with an unquenchable thirst for the skies of the South.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Carrying her Home on the flight of unspoken dreams she will claim Kilimanjaro as well.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice
Bound by the life of Life
Bound to the answers of Wild Wind
Catching the tide and only soaring on ward.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice
Bound by Justice.

yet my heart takes on wounds of history.

Hello again, its been a couple of months :-)
I've been feeling the need to share once again for a few days now, the truth is, i havent really felt the need to be infront of a computer in my hot room, as a i sneeze 5 million times a day haha oh allergies! Alas here i am :-)
I was listening to this beautiful song today- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwov6Zp1hY
it made me want to share some encouragement and truth with you all.
So here goes...:-)

There is something about summer that just makes me think more haha, i mean not the looking into the sky without any reason for day dreaming- but day dreaming on purpose with a pen in my hand and some lemonade, know what i mean? :) haha
in doing this i realized that as i sit here with my lemonade, beautiful leather bound journal, waiting for Mr golden sun to shine on me, im very unhappy.

Unhappy not in the sense that i hate my life, or need riches to feel great, but unhappy for living so comfortablly. For some people this might not make sense, because who really wants to live in war torn countries, with poverty stricken communities? Even though i agree with that last sentiment there is something in my heart that longs for living with people in those predicaments. My family fled El Salvador in the early 1980's running away from war and seeking freedom. I Have been given everything on a golden platter, yet my heart takes on wounds of history. Crumbling to ruins like heartache, wanting to do whatever i can to be part of the change that will overcome injustice.

Let me explain though, in this unhappiness i can also find Joy and peace in my life, i have a very loving family and amazing friends and the Hope that lies in my relationship with God. I've asked God many times to be able to feel His heartache for people, but i dont think i've ever prepared myself for it. It feels unfair, hollow, helpless. As a i shared with a good friend what i was feeling he said to me " If you are brave enough to go on that journey, and you are prepared to face the challenges you are going to face, the truth will not be hidden from you"

We cant change the world alone, we cant change a community alone, we cant even change oursleves alone. God has left us with such beautful family to work with, it is impossible for us to fail if we are faithful to that.

I refuse to stop dreaming, to stop believing, i want to be face to face with Love because it's the only way for me to know that Light will never cease shinning on.
We need to embody that Light, let is shine, let it shine, let shine! and NEVER stop dreaming, because we have yet to dream those humanly impossible dreams that God has for us to complete. They will come true!:-) YES, they will!!!

In the midst of some chaos in my life, i know he is Faithful. A couple of weeks ago Africa was taken off my radar, so to say that God didnt think it was time yet, and that's okay! Some day soon though, i'll go back! Another beautiful day will grace me :-)

Sharing my feelings here sometimes leaves me to think that maybe we should all just grab some coffee and speak life. But for those of you who live miles away in the depths of the Amazon or in the mountains in Bolivia, it was nice to chat ;)
but for you other's lets do coffee I'd love to speak life soon! hehe

love to all!

Bound by Justice (excerpts from my journal)

July 4th, 2010

Three months have passed since I was last in El Salvador. I never finished my journey in El Salvador on here, because that journey is NOT over- I doubt it ever will be. As i was posting up my pictures on facebook, i realized that I had taken so long to post them because i wanted to hold onto them as much as i could. Holding onto the El Salvador i experienced 3 months ago, meant being safe, gaurded, and afraid of expressing my love.

A lot has happened in my life since I was there. I went to Bolivia 3 weeks after returning home and I put myself "back into the World". Allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be open, to be alive. Ready to love...being ready to love? what does that actually mean? i realized at a young age that the only reason i would ever be able to love is if i was awakened to God's love. If i could live through His love, understand, live in and carry His love then and only then would i be ready to love. I mean, im still trying to understand His love, there is a lot i dont understand, alot that im seeking out, but there is so much grace in all of this understanding. I have no desire to live without His love, and so all i want is to live in it and share it with all corners of this world.

When i was in El Salvador i had a dream that shifted my thinking on what my purpose looked like. I was left with a very puzzling Word "Bound by Justice", basically it was about me sharing Love, sharing Justice, sharing peace- with all different types of people- I was sharing this with the help of a whole 'army' of people that i know and inspire me. (ask me about the dream i'll be happy to share it). This word has made me think about what it really means to be, first; ready to love, and then second; be bound by Justice because of that love. Many people including my family at times have questioned the reasons why i go on these 'development' trips, or why i beleive certain things. I can explain it to you in one simple sentence. In the Justice of the resurrection Jesus poured out His love for all by giving His life for our Freedom-I am bound by that, bound by His love, by His blood- by His Justice!

That is really why i seek Justice for the places and people i meet. I want love for them, i simply just want them to feel loved, living in just societies where they are treated as they deserve to be. If i were to turn a blind eye to this, I would be no less miserable then the people that hurt them.


Mercy has reached out to save me, and Im bound by that, i cant contain that call on my life. I receive it with love and joy :)

El Salvador is always awaiting the return of it's children, i had to go back. Knowing and recognizing where Home is for me, is what allows me to stand firm in what waits for me.

Some updates I'd like to share with all of you:
While being in Bolivia i was voted the President of a new NGO called the Hispanic Fraternity Association - an organization based on solidarity and the promotion of the Hispanic culture through our arts, our freedom seeking ways and most importantly the faith that runs deep within our people's calling. Please pray for us as we embark on this journey!

Second it seems like i will be going to Africa in September- plans are still up in the air, we will see what God says :-)

Be light! Be Love!

the end of a love letter...

Bolivia :-)
It's been almost a month since I've been back in Canada and i hadn't been able to finish my love letter to Bolivia, this past week has been full of lessons- lessons of taking risks and no regret. So here goes... :-)

The last week we spent in Bolivia, we stayed at an amazing place called the Bolivian Children's mission in Cochabamba (the land of eternal spring), beautiful mountains, flowers, no headache from altitude and filled with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. We only stayed at this orphanage for about 8 days- but they were 8 days that totally transformed my life.

I've been to many orphanages before and always end up leaving with some sort of hopelessness- This time it was no different, but at the same time, this trip was different for some reason- these kids had friends, hobbies, love stories, favourite colours, and smiles that had left a huge imprint on my heart. I had never interacted this much with kids at an orphanage, one little girl, Jenny, really stole my heart- we happen to share the same birthday, but our lives were very different.

Jenny was 13 years old and had been at that orphanage since she was weeks old, coming from a very sad past, you would expect a child that was sad, angry, and filled with disillusion for the world. But she was different, after school every day she would come up to me, hug me and say "I'm going to miss you Ivania", those words broke my heart time and time after again- but her smile was always hopeful and full of love. We exchanged conversations about the world, my favourite place, her favourite place, the wonders of nature that surrounded us, her life at the orphanage, love, heart break- and how to change the world. She changed my world and on our birthday all i could think of, was how my reality was so different than hers, I was surrounded by mom and dad, siblings and SOOO much love, in a country where my insane stubbornness for change was embraced. I know that at the orphanage she is surrounded by a lot of love, but i cant keep myself from thinking about what her future in Bolivia will be like, where will she go when she turns 18 and cant stay at the orphanage anymore?

All this unrest in my heart, had left me paused- not knowing what to do, not knowing when or how i would see this little girl again- i realized that if i stayed in this state i would have broken dreams all my life, broken wings and unfulfilled promises. I needed to step out of my rut for a bit and be hopeful for Jenny, I know that God has a very special purpose for her life and i hope to meet her again in the near future.

Remembering the last thing she said to me, i smile and know that i should not worry about her, because she is deeper than most people i know around my age- she's a world changer!! "Ivania, you wont forget me right? i mean you cant, we have the same birthday, we are birthday twins, and coincidences like that are like promises that God has already made for us". - And Jenny i could never forget you or the Bolivian Children's mission. I walked into milk and honey when i walked into that orphanage, true living, living in Love and with purpose!

I am deeply inspired and indebted for the lessons learned there. Thank you Peter and Delia for sharing your house and family with us in Cochabamba!!

I will miss you Bolivia, but we will see each other again one day, very soon, very soon :-)

Another farewell to the Amazon!

I had not thought that i would return to the Amazon so quickly, after my trip to the Venezuelan Amazon last year, i desired to go back but was never sure when it would be, i defintely didnt think it would be this soon. As our plane landed in the Amazon, tears filled my eyes and an uncontrollable mix of emotions took over my heart. It's a feeling I am not sure how to express or explain, i just know that the Amazon has stolen a piece of my heart, and returning made me realize even more how much i had missed being there. The trees, the mountains, the river, the land, the people, everything. Our time in San Miguel del Bala, Amazon, was one that really taught me the importance of listening and learning from other cultures, it also gave me a perspective of how courageous the Tacana people have been. Their persistence in order to preserve their land, culture, language and traditions really speaks to me about the pursuit of true identity. I am so honoured to have been able to meet and share with the Tacana people, it truely was something life changing... my heart has been transformed.

Im sure i will return to the Amazon some time very soon... my heart longs for the fire in that land... it's a flame, that has been planted on this journey of justice... and is carried by true Love.

Inspired.