Hey everyone!
I´ve had the most intense days! and have been so overwhelmed that i havent really had time nor the energy to write! I have been journaling though :-) in other past trips its been hard to write in my journal, but there is so much internal/feeling stuff that i want to share that it is necessary for me to write it down!
I guess that tugging feeling forces me to write....which is excellent hehe
I decided that i wanted to post some observations ive made while being here. Two days after i got here, plasterd all over the media was a picture of a 19 year old boy that was being stabbed by a fellow classmate outside of his university, ´reason´why he stabbed him (he was wearing a jersey from a neighbouring school, that is the rival soccer team of the school). As pathetic as that sounded to me, it was real, raw and true...so true that everyone was obsessed with the story and all media communications where writing about it or airing shows about it. This boy died in the end... and for what? i try not to get sucked into the media, but it was everywhere...every time i went somewhere someone was talking about it. And although killings happen here all the time, a country that is slowly recovering from a 30 year war that ended 19 years ago...its still not dehumanized or desensitized to the value of human life. It is something i find admirable... and something that rings true of the El Salvadorean spirit, a people that suffered, lost loved ones, had to leave their homes- have not lost the vitality and desire to live and live peacefully. The day before this boy was killed in broad day light, President Funes had made a Vito against the law of trying 15 year olds as adults when they commited a crime. After this boy was killed, many questioned the governments ideals and commitment to bettering El Salvador...in my humble opinion i believe it is necessary to look at El Salvadorean culture and analyze the isolated realities of each person... rehabilitation and education can mobalize and change a community...lets imagine what it could do for a nation that has been dragged by the culture of ciolence for so long?
Before coming here i was really afraid...so afraid that when i was at the airport there was a moment where i contemplated not getting on the airplane and coming. Im usually really anxious to leave everytime i travel, and dont flinch when the time comes. But this trip was something totally different for me and the fact that my family was afraid for my safety... worsened everything for me.
Through prayers and many conversationed i have seen God´s tremendous Love and covering..seriously í´ve been minutes away from danger in certain circumstances but God continues to assure me, that He will take care of everything. ahhh we are so lucky to have such a loving Father. :-)
Coming to El Salvador, was a surprise and gift to me...but also something that was needed but not wanted...let me explain... as much as i love El Salvador its beautiful culture and rich history..i never had any intentions of coming here this soon. This trip came so sudden, that as much as it was an affirmation of what i had been waiting for, it was also the reason why i was so afraid. I had been waiting and having some raw and rather vulnerable conversations with God where i would search for answers... to questions that in reality had been answered a really long time ago. What to do with my time? where did God want me? what was my purpose??
Months passed, and my heart always had Africa close to it...always thinking about when i would return...i had been ignoring my roots, they were slowyly creeping back into my spirit with a fire so strong that threw me back into a state of being soooo overwhelmed by grace, that i felt undeserving.
An awakening had happened and my heart still longed for Africa but God showed me that i could have the same passion and love for the rest of the world... i felt Latin America calling to me... and Bolivia would be where He would send me next, in May. To be honest i tossed and turned when i found out that i was going to Bolivia...i was excited but my heart was still not content... MY heart, not God´s...haha i had been trying to satisfy my desires and needs and had forgotten that God was the one that was in charge, its really refreshing to be pulled back into reality! And this February, El Salvador came into the picture... casted to the wind was all doubt as i was being prepared for the ´coming out´ :-). In my two weeks here i have met people, that i already knew...not in the physical sense but there hearts and spirits were already known to my heart. Never has it been so obvious to me that my life was made in the option for the poor. I yearn for the day, when Freedom will be known to all, it is the most amazing feeling to know, that when you recklessly abandon yourself to God´s plan, life is so much more exciting!
"Those who surrender to the service of the poor through love of Christ, will live like the grains of wheat that dies. It only apparently dies. If it were not to die, it would remain a solitary grain. The harvest comes because of the grain that dies We know that every effort to improve society, above all when society is so full of injustice and sin, is an effort that God blesses; that God wants; that God demands of us".- Oscar Romero
This post was not really an update of things I´ve done (that will come soon), but a reflection of what kind of transformation my heart is under...
The harvest is coming :-)
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