"I can send you anywhere, right?"- Jesus

I have a lot of really great and encouraging updates, but I'll leave that for another post.

Tonight i want to share my heart, authentically pour out what my heart cries out for and at this point is screaming out for.

This past week ive been very busy with school work, im really teaching myself that procrastination is an addiction i no longer want to be defined by, so today my sister and i decided to do our homework together, worked out to be very successful, but very draining. Ive been emotionally and physically exhausted, i long for that sense of revival to fill my heart, for a feeling of flying, an extraorindary miracle to sweep me off my feet, so i can continuosly feel drunk off the Spirit of God. What the heck am i waiting for?? Seriously, Jesus longs to share with us His love and we stay there saying, "When will you arrive?"

Tonight i had to pause, literally go to my room, sit in my bed and say to God, what is this all about?, i am finding new areas where God pursues my passions in, i am happy with school (minus the crazy amounts of work), i love my placement, couldnt have found a better career, my family and friends shower me with joy. Yet, there is a form of discontent in my heart, something in me tugs at my heart strings and says "WAKE UP", ive said it here before and perhaps i hadnt not truly understood it, until tonight.

My dreams, my true dreams, consist of sharing the unconditional love i know, mending broken hearts, bringing justice and dignity to those that have been wronged, and wandering the nations, passing around Hope.

That.is me.

I have been a hopeless wanderer since i was a kid, always wanting to explore, yearning for adventure, but there was always a common subject "i dont want to be in Hamilton". What has all this fear and angst about being in Hamilton been about??

Fear
Fear

I have traveled the world, exploring, experiencing the most EXTRaordinary miracles and times. Knowing, truly knowing that God would show up in every opportunity i would have to show people His love. Why, WHY, have i not been able to do that here?? If i am called to teach peace, sow love, break the world indifferent from injustice, why have i denied the place i call 'home'?

In the past two years, i have been given opportunity after opportunity to work with the community, but have i truly fallen in love with the community, the way i am inlove with 'world'? It is not till very early this year, that Papa has slowly been sparking me with fire, for this community. Perhaps it has been because of my fear that i have never truly felt passionate for Hamilton. But my friends, i tell you, there is so much more Hope here then the hurt and dirt we see. If it is a true Kingdom that we long for, if it is the Kingdom of love, compassion, and justice we long for, Jesus has been preparing Hamilton for a while. Shall we work?

Being a social worker will be about providing Hope, solidarity, and encouragement to people, often 'bandaging' up the injustice and hurt people experience. We have been called to be more then just bandages in this world. Be light. Hamilton hurts, homelessness, addictions,violence, poverty all plague this city. We need more then just social programs to bandage problems. This is true for every community, for every country, but what is even more authentically true is the Hope that resurrects from Hamilton daily. Art being shared, music being composed, flowers sprouting from crevices of darkness. The people of this city are drenched in Hope. I am not made for this world, but God has not made a mistake in placing me here. :)

I truly do not want to dispell the Hopeful and encouraging messages i have shared about the amazing love God has sowed in me for the world, but for now, my world, my true stomping ground of Hope is Hamilton. I find peace in knowing that where He has placed me is where i need to fall in love, the more i know Jesus, the more i know His heart lives in the crevices of hopelessness and injustice. He is here.

Into the Breeding Ground of Hope

It feels as if January has been here for months and months. I started my placement just a few weeks ago, i went in with many thoughts, prejudices, self created walls and barriers.
Something in me kept saying "wait"
many friends encouraged me, saying they believed this placement would be good for me, that something wonderful would come out of it.
But I already had a wall building, a wall of fear, of confusion, one that didn't reflect who Jesus calls me to be.

Be love
Love more
Love until it hurts, love until love is the only thing that is left

starting to build relationships with these kids, putting a name to statistics and stereotypes, i was forced to become uncomfortable, out of my zone, and into the breeding ground of Hope.

So much need, so much darkness, so much hatred, so much anger. An angst built up by barriers and broken dreams, of let down children. Of the so many places and faces I've met in the last 5 years, i had not felt so hopeless then when i entered that school. We had forgotten that this was the chosen future we were deciding for children that didn't have a say.

But it was until i heard them sing, i heard their dreams, their aspirations, and a little help from Mumford and Sons. "but i was told by Jesus all is well".

There is a future beyond expectations and numbers, another world is possible for them and it doesn't have to belong in a Utopia. Sometimes i might come across as preachy and overally idealistic, but it is the only way i know how to breathe. My family left hopelessness behind, in a war that stripped them of their freedom, forced to make way in a place that was not home. Yet they have always hoped for a better El Salvador, one without violence, without empty bellies, with homes and freedom. So for me this will be my 'little' El Salvador for now.

We should all have "little' El Salvador's, places that bloom because of encouragement, kindness and compassion. These kids are the future, why have we given up, before their tomorrow has arrived?

I have a lot to learn, in the upcoming months, i have a lot to give in the everyday exchange and i have a lot to receive, for this heart that keeps afloat for the so called hopeless

Let me learn from where I have been
Keep my eyes to serve
My hands to learn

Traigo un pueblo en mi voz/ I carry a people in my voice

Yesterday in the midst of studying for exams, i was hit with inspiration. Sparked by a connection that I made with a group of Roma people in Hamilton on Saturday. Lunik 9 was the subject of the event, the largest refugee slum in Europe, more then 500 Roma people living in unbearable conditions. It was Culture Conversations 3rd event, but this time while Carlos took pictures, i felt a deep connection with the family we were taking pictures of , their heavy hearts transmitted something into my heart, it reminded me of El Salvador. This piece came out of my heart, almost perusing me to uncover, my heart of hearts, to top it all off i realized that today is the anniversary of The Massacre of El Mozote, one of the most devastating crimes of the El Salvadorean civil war. The way this piece relates so directly to what happened in El Mozote and continues to happen around the world amazes me, the Spirit continues to make me long for Justice and this is proof of it.




at the sound of a wooden flute
I am on the deserted path
i keep stretching through the highest of trees
needing the Sunlight
from the loneliness of the forgotten echoes of yesterday
my heart beats, thump thump thump
joy unravels the veins and particles of what im holding so close
i have been summoned to give in, to disarm
my Creator, whispers more Wind then roots into me, swaying from the east to the west
the sunset kisses me as we embrace
the sun drenched land, crackling through my feet
searching for anything that looks familiar, a pot, a spoon, a necklace, a vase
all i see are broken pieces
where have my people gone?

silence
silence

i keep stepping over my words, i don't remember what they sound like
na hu a? nahua?
a language that we gave the land of the Savior
El Salvador do you remember?

silence
silence

the essence of peace has left my land
as the birds no longer sing, and the waters are stilled
Creator, i hold my arms outstretched, will you tell me where to fly next?
I carry a people in my Voice
I hold a memory that was stolen
I carry a people in my Voice
i see those that were born from my people suffer
the land is infertile, Mother groans for there is no fruit, the people are unable to cultivate, the tyrant has stolen from them
the children are naked, the grandmothers are left behind
and the fathers and sons have been disappeared and killed

I carry a people in my Voice
a language that we gave to the land of the Savior
El Salvador do you remember?

The Wind whispers the Creators desire to me

I have given you the ocean, swoon it with your sharp gaze
I have given you the Harvest, it is sprouting out of your hands
I have given you the Land let it reform itself under the heat of your heart
You are my beautiful, perfect creation, i will continue to liberate you from under the possession.
I remember your language, i see your people

Walking down the streets of a modern San Salvador, i see the echo of my people in the gaze of the campesino
I see the destiny of my people in the children, that sing freely
The strength and kindness of the Creator in the hands of mothers
tired but valiant the mother continues to rise every morning.
May the suns fire never turn away from us, may it remind us of the ancient peoples of Latin America
the water that breathes, the wheat that has risen- it continues to sway through the earth rebuilding, replanting.
this land is mine it is yours

I carry a people in my voice
a language that we gave the land of the Savior
El Salvador do you remember?

You can feel the tide turning

This picture above describes who I've always been, jaja i love to wander, i love to dream,to fly, to love, to go off to foreign places,BUT time is at a stand still right now. with so many dreams, and places to go, I'm on a mission here.

Our world seems to be falling apart, with natural disasters, financial markets crashing, famine crises, and diseases plaguing nations, many of us are inclined to lose hope.

Every day, every minute, every second, i get a second chance, my hope is restored. As i hear of aboriginal leaders standing up for their rights in the Amazon, as i hear of a young American girl leaving it all behind to help orphans in Haiti, as i see the updates of my friend Dan and his wife in Africa, or as i hear the stories of my friend Ken in Vancouver as he builds relationships with those living on the streets. my hope is restored.

My eyes water, whenever i think of the people i have met on my trips, the lives that are imprinted in my heart forever, how i wish to see them again. You see, i used to think i was going to go out in to the world and change it, but i was in for a great surprise, as i opened up my eyes and heart, my world was changed. That's why i hope, that's why i hope with all I have.

Today i remembered Hermosinda, the cook at the ecolodge in the Amazon in Bolivia, her vibrant personality, her kindness and her desire to make the whole team feel loved. Sigh' you see its hard to forget people like that, people that bring flickers of hope in to your heart, when you are supposed to be the 'world changer'. I wonder how she is... She lit up my life.

Sometimes i smile to myself when i think of Miriam, Miriam stole my heart, her little four year old wit, laughter and love, crept in to my heart, she made my time in Tanzania all worth it. For the first little while you see, we thought Miriam couldn't speak English, until one day she started singing, the fugees to us jaja. Time stood still one day, when we found out Miriam had Malaria, normal for them, a disease that kills people for us. I wonder how she is... She lit up my life.

Monsenor Ayala's kindness always reminds me of what Grace is, all of the atrocities this man witnessed in El Salvador, yet his love and compassion for the people only got stronger. The patience he showed me, while telling me his story, sharing his church, home and food with the team, unbelievable. Hope, alive. I will not forget the words he said to me; "your fire, your fire is stronger then mine, mine is extinguishing I'm getting old, but your fire, just keep lighting it, and you will change the world". I wonder how He is... He lit up my life.





I've been realizing that perhaps my desire for travel, for new places, for the heat of the deserts, and the rain of the amazon, and the chill of the Andes mountains, is only my desire to meet more people like these wonderful human beings i have spoken about. The love each of them shared with me, makes me desire more of that. A little task list check mark for me in these next few days, is to get in contact with them, because relationships that light up your life are not for darker days. They are the roar of Hope, that intrudes into your heart, will you light up the world?


If going out in to the world has taught me one thing, its that when love is shared, there is nothing that can diminish the change a smile, a meal, a conversation and a goodbye hug can bring in to someones life. If there is one thing you will do today, be grateful for the beauty and freedom around you, and love the heck out of people. The most ferocious disease in this world is not cancer, or aids it is loneliness. If you want to change the world, stay where you are, and love those around you.

And you will feel the tide turning, because love is what makes this world revolve

That's why I Hope, That's why I hope with all i have.

And my head told my heart "let love grow"

Where you invest your love, you invest your life.

last year, as the autumn leaves fell, i felt my life falling apart, not allowing myself to see that the winter dead leaves would soon blossom again and spring.

Hope


Even though we may feel that the darkness robs us of the light,
Even though we are in a war torn world, i see speckles of light every where i look. This is what keeps me desiring more, i know that i was not made to just exist, if i do not dare to step in faith, the only thing i will lose is the ability to be me. To fully live.

There is a plague in this world, where we love the things that take up space, more then the Creator.
These days i am not just admiring the creation, but taking part in what the Creator has given me.

I dont desire a love that just aches and makes me blind.

the Journey has awoken me, 'arise o sleeper"- let love grow, let love grow

As the beauty around me seeks me, it gives life to my veins, it breathes into me a desire for comunity, a desire to change this world even more.

This world is hungry, it is thirsty- shall we continue to shed some Light,
and let love grow?

"The freedom we are looking for is the freedom to be ourselves"

'Get to know yourself'- Photograph by Carlos Roche (Trako)

I've often underestimated the time I've needed to spend by myself, with such a fast pace schedule- i rarely get the time to appreciate the beauty around me. These past two weeks, were full of overcoming and disarming my heart.
Im learning that the necessity of a smile and a kind word are worth more than gold, and the appreciation of a stranger, is often proving to make my day.

More than ever have I needed to be free to love with a love that is simple, direct and open to anyone at any time, in the unshakable conviction that such love can cast out all fear and overcome all the powers of destruction and death.

lets be honest, i really miss being out in the world, delving into unknown cultures, getting lost in the amazon and discovering new people to love, i miss it, however there seems to be a connection between all us people that travel away from home- i love how the universe works, it is such a small world, and no one is actually a stranger.

Two weeks ago, during the Hispanic Heritage week, we were able to connect with some pretty amazing people, people that have ceased to inspire me. This is why i feel that community is so important, especially the unity among people that want the common good. i was blown away by our artists, our volunteers and the people that came out to support us, things are only a great endeavor when they are shared.

Two people that have inspired me the most are Rocio and Carlos.

Rocio is one of the directors in the association, I've always insisted in her sharing her art with us, this time around she painted some of the most passionate pieces Ive seen in a long time. The meaning, the history and the courage behind each piece served as an answer to the risks Ive been afraid to take in being who i am. being desirous of the uncommon things, always wanting freedom and allowing the beauty of justice to frame may way of thinking- SO inspiring (i hope to have pictures of her art soon, to share with all of you). Paintings with a passionate conscience, absolutely breath taking pieces, that depict stories that are all to real in our countries, but that also offer hope and redemption. Beautiful!

Carlos and i met only about a month ago, in the crazy turns that life takes, we were connected by my love of art and his ability to capture beautiful images. After much insisting jaja (just kidding), he displayed his 2010 South American Photography exhibit at two of our events during the Hispanic Heritage week and did us the honour of taking pictures at our Folklore concert. Ive always thought that being able to take pictures is easy, focusing on the subject and taking the shot. However, capturing moments that are held in time by one click, is not easy and not common to many. I was brought back to my trips to South America as i looked through Carlos' pictures, although we visited these countries at different times, it was as if what i could remember had been held in that photograph for me to reminisce and long for. Thank you for the inspiration :)
You can checkout his AMAZING work here http://www.trakoroche.com

and be on the look out for some new upcoming projects we will be working on soon, EXCITED! :)

To be honest i started this post last week, but school work and exhaustion had caught on, rest i miss you :( jaja two more midterms and im free as a bird for another few weeks.
and in case anyone is interested 60 more days till CHRISTMAS!!!!! :D lol jaja

my love to all!

Struggle.Passion./ Thoughts

It's been a while...
pretending to be uninspired, attempting to move on and realizing that the need to be honest with myself has been my biggest fear. walking the streets full of people and feeling like a total stranger in my own skin. Wounds that had been patched up, start to resurface, in the burning light of raw honesty.

The need to write for me had become like breathing, it had become the way i swept the dust off my heart and was able to share. I paused during this time because i was able to pretend that i was free from all the fear i professed to have been liberated from. But wow, is God big.

Being 'forced' to write for the association this past week, really resurfaced a lot of things that haunted me about taking risks with what was on my heart, and where God has wanted me to go with the platform He has given me.

Struggle: struggle of those being oppressed, struggle of being misunderstood, struggle of basic human rights
Passion- what drives people to risk their significance , what is fostered in the heart of the little insignificant that can change the world.

Open up your heart and let Me in- Jesus

I.will.not.fear, I.will.not.fear, I.will.not.fear!!!

Tomorrow I will be giving a speech on behalf of the Hispanic Fraternity Association at our opening event called Viva Hamilton. This will be the first of four events part of our Hispanic Heritage week, God continues to be pushing us through, drawing Him closer to hearts on fire. Needless to say im nervous, unfortunately i wont have Ken there this year for my pep talk like last year ;) jaja I'll just remember to find a park and scream if i have to :)

My hope for tomorrow is that unity captivates the community, that we tether our dreams and passion on to the common cause of overcoming and renewal.

We are a people that have struggled, that have lost, that continue to fall beneath the cracks of injustice, but we are also a people of great courage of Hope of compassion and over all a people whose Passion flows through the world lead by the Wind.

Latin America you inspire me constantly and you seem to be the one that always places me in the most uncomfortable places, you seek me to be who i am, a Daughter.

I am thankful, for being who i am and for the opportunity to run like i've never run before.