Love decides everything – Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Picture taken at this year's annual School of the America's watch.




Walking down the street in downtown Hamilton yesterday, i saw these string of art pieces on the street,one of them caught my eye and pursued my heart, this is what what was written on it:


Emergence
Wrapping your present self in old beliefs keeps your feet on the ground
if that's where you want to be.
time to shake the hand-me-down habits, those gentle, mindful muzzlings and set yourself free.
What she came to understand is she had already arrived and believing was all she had to do.
A cocoon is the thought behind the moment the butterfly takes flight.

All what my soul longs for, wrapped up in a few words- freedom ,flight,wanting the Wind to take me.

This month has been interesting for me, as the past few posts I've been going through a season of stretching, leaping, not fearing, trusting, and being bold.

Echoing in me since my trip to El Salvador;
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice

Social Justice is not a sexy movement for me, it not a fad, or a past time- my heart burns for those that are desolate. Passion stirs in me for change, i have little tolerance for indifference and patience is taking its toll.
I have to keep at it, my heart keeps telling me- "Seeking justice is always a risk, but it's a worthy risk."
I want to encourage you all, I know that sometimes it feels like the flame is burning out and no one cares, but what is inside of us is not just an awakening- it is Life. Life breathing truth in us, truth being born into the masses, being born into the Kingdom. Don't just be a torch bearer or a vessel, be the burning flame, be change.

I've recently had a re-focusing of life, a re constructing of vision, into pure, plain, understanding that, Love decides everything,I may have dreams and aspirations,i might drag myself into the world everyday, but if i don't allow the Spirit to take hold of my life like the Wind takes hold of the sails. I will continue walking, lost and confused.

I've recently been invited to partake in a trip to Chile with an amazing organization, its a two week trip, it will be filled with meetings with dignitaries, Church people, activists and the like; I'm excited to see what God will do with this opportunity. I've turned over the sails to the Wind... :-)

Much of this refocusing has to do with me understanding that everything I do or say may be seen as crazy, unbalanced- overly hopeful and naive. I sometimes laugh at that because much of my rebellion just comes from questioning the norm, as i delve more and more into the life of Jesus, I know that's what He calls us to be. Little sparkling fireflies into dark places, path ways in unmarked lands- What would i be? what would i be if I wouldn't let Love decide?

I've seriously been encouraged and quiet humbled by the testimony of the School of The America's Watch. This organization has been fighting against injustice since the early 1980's, bringing awareness to the atrocities happening in Latin America while shedding light on how to make this stop.

A few nights ago, i was able to read, watch and listen to a string of links on what they do and I was left with an unsettled heavy heart. My heart was heavy, deeply rooted in the purpose of this organization, was surrendering one's life for Justice. It's a hard thought to grasp, its an even harder life to live- I am far from perfect and have to continue fighting everyday, but I know I'm not in this alone- this generation is finding it's place, living within the poor, crossing borders to free prisoners and entering into civil disobedience to be obedient to the Word. I have found my place within the body- and we need to keep moving!



I'm really inspired by the many organizations and beautiful people that surround me these days. This, is what I have my heart set on right now, (if you have the time, watch it)

Love to all!

Ivania

"Peace is first of all the art of being." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

Picture taken on my trip to the Amazon, in Venezuela 2009->

Life has become full of wondering, wandering, feeling lost, loneliness and all of that kind of stuff that doesnt come from Him, it's been that type of season... one where i can feel happiness at the tip of my fingers.

It's seems i've missed the point here and there- but im learning everyday to trust.- to keep Hope and just be. 'Fighting for peace!' has been the constant 'advice' from a close friend, and the more I try to take that in, the more i understand that true peace will only come from loving without surrender.

About a week ago i received two different directions- two countries calling to me- usually i would of left without thinking, allow my wings to open up and just soar, that's what my spirit would desire!

El Salvador and Rwanda were put on my radar- one with an organization called Innerchange and another teaching in the heart of Africa. Both beautiful possibilities, that really were starting to make me question what i was 'doing' here.

Its seems like this season, has been full of learning how to say no, when the Spirit says no.True communion with Papa, is hard, makes you vulnerable and feels like you are getting stretched north to south- but its beautiful on this side! Freedom!
Even talking about this is a little hard on the heart, dont get me wrong its an amazing journey and I am so thankful, but my humanity tends to get in the way sometimes hehe.

I am loved far beyond the boundaries of this world, and that is the type of love I was made to share.
I met up with two beautiful women of God today, one new friend and the other someone i've known all my life. Equally inspiring. living their lives by being love - i was so encouraged to be surrounded by such wonderful people. Sharing our experiences about Bolivia and El Salvador, made me glow all day jaja- not to mention the sun was really intense today, just the way i was feeling inside :) Thinking about all the beautiful people i've met on my past trips really leaves me humbled. The children have taught an endless piece of wisdom- 'let joy guide you, walk in it's innocence and just love'.

Just finished reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings...and this quote could not reflect more what i've BEEN feeling (past now ;) God is so merciful- im SO thankful so so thankful for you and you!

Keep walking in Light!

"The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world--free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless.... I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

~My heart is like a loudspeaker

Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty.

I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Strip me

I've had this song on repeat all day, it fills me with joy :)

The truth is, the last couple days have been filled with complaining, planning the future and hoping that tomorrow will be better- Seriously! what the heck! i need a reality check! Today is wonderful, i have air in my lungs, a voice to reach many -'my heart is like a loudspeaker'.

23 yearsold and unsatisfied with the everyday, day dreaming of my amazon, Bolivian mountains, Venezuelan communities, Tanzanian deserts and the endless El Salvadorian sunsets.

but there is joy in all of this.

to be honest, i never really pictured myself still in Hamilton, very much decided but confused all at the same time. I have answers and a map laid out in front of me- God constantly taking me by the hand and saying 'Just Go"

but there is joy in all of this.

i would much rather be in the middle of no where in the Amazon right now, but i am here, here in Hamilton, here in Canada, in my familiarity, in my comfort zone- but why is it a constant struggle to feel home here?

but there is joy in all of this.

I had all these questions spinning in my head at work today, it was crazy busy and i really had no energy to spark conversation or intentionally build any sort of connection with the customers, until this really joyfull woman came with her baby boy. She sat him down on the counter and he would smile and giggle at me. I could have been anywhere, but at that moment this little boy's joyful spirit captivated me and totally changed my day. A simple example of God's joy, i felt compelled to ask the mother his name, to which she replied ' Jahsanti, it means sent by God' I could feel my spirit bursting, and leaping out of this crazy rut i had chosen to stay in. so thankful for that moment. thankful for being in Hamilton :)

I have a fleeting spirit, one that constantly wants to run, but Papa just wants to walk with me at the moment and i feel like maybe sharing that little struggle i have with myself will encourage others that feel the same. There is so much to do, so much love to give, so much change to bring forth and so much peace to deliver. But we cannot give, bring, or deliver anything that we personally do not have in our hearts. Im learning to find joy in the everyday, happiness to know that right at this moment im interconnected with every continent in this world. I realized that my closest friends are all in other places right now, in Europe, in Asia, in Africa and out west- to a certain extent the melancholy behind missing them is unhealthy because i want to be happy for them and share in their joy- but at the same time i would want them all with me at the same time haha
not for now- but its okay it just means we have more undiscovered adventures ahead of us, more trails to walk and songs to sing- always free falling!

JOY!

miss and love you all!
<3

~ she is free to live passionately and boldly, on the pursuit of only Love ,then like the hero of that fable, her dance will dazzle the world.

Photo cred- Kenneth J. Semenuk


hellllllllo my friends :-)
i look forward to seeing some of you soon and sharing, what has been happening in the last little while, but for now, this shall suffice!

I've spent some time just basking in His presence, constantly asking God to just use me, pursuing Love has become my new air, I cant breathe without it!

In last few weeks, I've been inspired by a few things and people- all things that make me want to draw nearer to God- wanting to grow closer in relationship with Him, understanding His heart and the way that he sees this crazy wonderful world.

Early October i went to an Invisible Children screening at Mac, i had gone to a screening a couple of years ago and had been left transformed, and somehow feeling hopeful but hopeless at the same time. After a few debrief sessions with some friends and raising awareness about what was happening in Uganda,i realized that there will be an end to this brutal massacre. This last screening wasn't really about the movie for me, but more so about meeting Sunday. Sunday is a young guy that was born in Uganda, was a child soldier, was rehabilitated and is attending university now. The future and hope of Uganda in this one boys story!! transformation, courage and raw faith! It was really great to hear his story and just share life for a few brief moments. I left that room with a huge smile on my face, knowing that my Father is constantly calling his children home, no matter what circumstance. Meeting Sunday, really challenged me and made me all that more thankful about the people in my life and the love I'm constantly greeted with everyday day.

a few weeks ago Erica (my younger sister) came into my room telling me i needed to watch this trailer Return to El Salvador Erica was freaking out because she had noticed both our last names, Erazo and Gonzalez in the trailer- it had somehow awakened something in her and she felt that we needed to watch this movie and find out everything about it.
I left it for a bit, until the next day, i could still feel the impact of the trailer and God puncturing my heart with passion and curiosity- awakening my identity. And so i did what i normally do when I'm inspired and all riled up about something haha, i facebook msged a few of my friends and told them we needed to go watch this documentary. I went on two different occasions, the first with Miranda and Sharon- two of the most beautiful people i know, hearts on fire for justice and simply always ready to love.
The second time, i went after an event HFA had at city hall.
The whole day i had been extremely nervous because i was supposed to speak on behalf of the association, i seriously don't know what had gotten into me hahaha i couldn't stop fidgeting, or shaking! I met up with my friend Ken for coffee before the event, and God spoke through him as He poured out peace through our conversation. God is so faithful, constantly bringing joy to my life through wonderful people, Ken exhibited some of his beautiful photographs at our event. The event was about promoting Latino/Hispanic culture- what an honour it was for us to have such a talented artist showing us a piece of the Argentina he experienced.
Off we were to my second screening of Return to El Salvador where we met up with another friend, Nate (Nate is in South Africa right now, changing the world as i write this :-)), I couldn't have gone to see this movie with four better people i think (no offence to the rest of you that couldn't go ;) haha) but it was just great to share, and learn from the diverse thoughts on the film. All and all i left challenged to continue on my walk towards peace. There is no freedom more beautiful then that one which asks us to love and serve.

And so that brings me to my last little testimony. I've been struggling with what "to do" with my life for the last little while (give or take a couple of years lol), Career wise i mean, i am called to Love and serve above all- and its been hard to 'find' something that encompasses all that and something that brings me alive. After some long thinking, deep conversation and prayer- i found something :) I'm going to be attending Mohawk College in January for their 2 yr program for Immigrant and Refugee case worker. At this moment i don't think i could find something that will make me happier, until God decides to turn me in another direction of course hahah but for now this is where i feel Him calling me, I'm excited!

lets see each other soon and enjoy this beautiful fall weather!! :-)

please keep me in your prayers and thoughts!

love to all!!
Ivania

There Are No Seams!

I've sat here trying to edit some earlier written entries, and im challenged by the echo of truth. Opinions, facts, truth, simple-raw-reality in my life. How can i run away from that? The one question i keep asking myself is 'why are you complaining so much when 'they' have so little?' I've never been comfortable about being comfortable, there is something within me that rejects it, yet i fit into it so perfectly, i've allowed comformity to fit me like a glove.

This is my biggest challenge in the current season im in, how do i break free?? how can i run with the truth and scream to the mountain top without fear? What im most afraid of is, is that i can, my life was not made for conformity, my wings have no seams, they are made to shake off fear and just be bold.

The truth is, being in Canada makes me unhappy, or is it the lack of community i feel here? the constant longing for a church that engages into a true relationship with Christ than one that is solely happy with golden chalices and their starving countries left behind. Lets be honest for a second, i grew up being spoonfed the Gospel, into compassion, into solidarity yet at the second that i get a chance to forget what all of that means, i choose too. Growing up in a beautiful church adorned with marble and gold... i bought into the pretending that this was the real world. How could i adjust reality into this truth of marble walls, stain glass windows and starving children in Latin America?

How can i listen on saturday nights, to sermons about loving one another when neither of us sitting there will even smile at the homeless lady waiting outside for some food. Maybe she was desperetly looking for the truth like i am.

The Church is not made for people that want to work on their own, but one's that are willing to give it all up for their Brother and ask God to share His heart. Because seriously, what kind of world has He been left with to love, yet He still presses on..on... and on...and on...

What do we do now? I can complain or simply share the facts with what is happening, and im sure my church isnt the only one that isnt truly aligning with what the Word is constantly revealing. God says it so simply: Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy"

How is it possible that after an amazing service, we feel on top of the world and like God can do anything through us,but when we walk by 'Sally' in downtown Hamilton we wont even look at her for she is only part of the scenery.
I've been fed up with going to church on the weekend but not being challenged to BE Church everyday of the week. why is it that we have become afraid of being bold, yet when a friend dare's you to do something out of the ordinary you will do it, because you simply cant back down. Well i cant simply back down from this, im thirsty for community, im thirsty for truth, im thirsty for Justice to be the norm and for us to never have to think twice about choosing love vs hate. Please friends, lets be uncomfortable during these circumstances, lets not look away from the injustices of this world, that we as a church keep participating in. This is not the Church He wants, lets be love...simple and honest love.
Love that does not walk away but walks with, love that wants food for the neighbour as much as for self, love that desires justice for Canada but also for the rest of the world. Revival is not for one single place, but for His whole Creation.

These are words that challenge me everyday, let them remind you everyday to love without seams, that's the way He loves us, lets share it!

"Love has no meaning if it isn't shared. Love has to be put into action. You have to love without expectation, to do something for love itself, not for what you may receive. If you expect something in return, then it isn't love, because true love is loving without conditions and expectations" - Mother Teresa

I grew up with the echo of this man's bold love for his people, i grew up with many repercussions of the war, but i grew up with the same Hope he professed- i cant forget that, and i cant simply be satisfied with what our church is living as truth, we need a reality check into what true communion with the Father's heart means.

El Condor Vuela- 'The Condor Soars'

"From this moment I offer my blood to God for the redemption and resurrection of El Salvador. Let my blood be a seed of freedom and the sign that hope will soon be reality".-Oscar Romero

~This piece woke me up a few nights ago, unable to sleep with all of this on my heart, i felt the Spirit drawing me to share and at 1am i was writing this. I read this today in Romero's autobiography- "These days I walk the roads gathering up dead friends, listening to widows and orphans, and trying to spread hope," , and it convicted me even more to share what God continues to download into my heart about Justice.

Bound by the making of The soaring Spirit.
Page by page equals revealed noncomplaint history.

Built for Rebellion, built for purple sky's and red walk ways
The kingdom of truth and Saved pages, the kingdom of Burning chapters, the kingdom of Promised words.
Bound,strapped,held into the relevance of these times as the bird that does not walk or leap but fly's, fly's free into an abyss where history and future collide into creation of the ordinary world born in to extraordinary.
Freedom cries out as the new world brings a new canvas to be delivered.
Just as it is. Just is. Justice

Justice roams into the spirit of the Freedom bird. Bound by Justice it soars, it soars
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Freedom Bound
Revealed into the wings of Home.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Wings stretched out, carrying the heart of the forgotten Andes in its heart.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice

Leaping through the fire of the desert, with an unquenchable thirst for the skies of the South.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Carrying her Home on the flight of unspoken dreams she will claim Kilimanjaro as well.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice
Bound by the life of Life
Bound to the answers of Wild Wind
Catching the tide and only soaring on ward.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice
Bound by Justice.

yet my heart takes on wounds of history.

Hello again, its been a couple of months :-)
I've been feeling the need to share once again for a few days now, the truth is, i havent really felt the need to be infront of a computer in my hot room, as a i sneeze 5 million times a day haha oh allergies! Alas here i am :-)
I was listening to this beautiful song today- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwov6Zp1hY
it made me want to share some encouragement and truth with you all.
So here goes...:-)

There is something about summer that just makes me think more haha, i mean not the looking into the sky without any reason for day dreaming- but day dreaming on purpose with a pen in my hand and some lemonade, know what i mean? :) haha
in doing this i realized that as i sit here with my lemonade, beautiful leather bound journal, waiting for Mr golden sun to shine on me, im very unhappy.

Unhappy not in the sense that i hate my life, or need riches to feel great, but unhappy for living so comfortablly. For some people this might not make sense, because who really wants to live in war torn countries, with poverty stricken communities? Even though i agree with that last sentiment there is something in my heart that longs for living with people in those predicaments. My family fled El Salvador in the early 1980's running away from war and seeking freedom. I Have been given everything on a golden platter, yet my heart takes on wounds of history. Crumbling to ruins like heartache, wanting to do whatever i can to be part of the change that will overcome injustice.

Let me explain though, in this unhappiness i can also find Joy and peace in my life, i have a very loving family and amazing friends and the Hope that lies in my relationship with God. I've asked God many times to be able to feel His heartache for people, but i dont think i've ever prepared myself for it. It feels unfair, hollow, helpless. As a i shared with a good friend what i was feeling he said to me " If you are brave enough to go on that journey, and you are prepared to face the challenges you are going to face, the truth will not be hidden from you"

We cant change the world alone, we cant change a community alone, we cant even change oursleves alone. God has left us with such beautful family to work with, it is impossible for us to fail if we are faithful to that.

I refuse to stop dreaming, to stop believing, i want to be face to face with Love because it's the only way for me to know that Light will never cease shinning on.
We need to embody that Light, let is shine, let it shine, let shine! and NEVER stop dreaming, because we have yet to dream those humanly impossible dreams that God has for us to complete. They will come true!:-) YES, they will!!!

In the midst of some chaos in my life, i know he is Faithful. A couple of weeks ago Africa was taken off my radar, so to say that God didnt think it was time yet, and that's okay! Some day soon though, i'll go back! Another beautiful day will grace me :-)

Sharing my feelings here sometimes leaves me to think that maybe we should all just grab some coffee and speak life. But for those of you who live miles away in the depths of the Amazon or in the mountains in Bolivia, it was nice to chat ;)
but for you other's lets do coffee I'd love to speak life soon! hehe

love to all!