Love decides everything – Pedro Arrupe, SJ

Picture taken at this year's annual School of the America's watch.




Walking down the street in downtown Hamilton yesterday, i saw these string of art pieces on the street,one of them caught my eye and pursued my heart, this is what what was written on it:


Emergence
Wrapping your present self in old beliefs keeps your feet on the ground
if that's where you want to be.
time to shake the hand-me-down habits, those gentle, mindful muzzlings and set yourself free.
What she came to understand is she had already arrived and believing was all she had to do.
A cocoon is the thought behind the moment the butterfly takes flight.

All what my soul longs for, wrapped up in a few words- freedom ,flight,wanting the Wind to take me.

This month has been interesting for me, as the past few posts I've been going through a season of stretching, leaping, not fearing, trusting, and being bold.

Echoing in me since my trip to El Salvador;
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice
Bound by Justice

Social Justice is not a sexy movement for me, it not a fad, or a past time- my heart burns for those that are desolate. Passion stirs in me for change, i have little tolerance for indifference and patience is taking its toll.
I have to keep at it, my heart keeps telling me- "Seeking justice is always a risk, but it's a worthy risk."
I want to encourage you all, I know that sometimes it feels like the flame is burning out and no one cares, but what is inside of us is not just an awakening- it is Life. Life breathing truth in us, truth being born into the masses, being born into the Kingdom. Don't just be a torch bearer or a vessel, be the burning flame, be change.

I've recently had a re-focusing of life, a re constructing of vision, into pure, plain, understanding that, Love decides everything,I may have dreams and aspirations,i might drag myself into the world everyday, but if i don't allow the Spirit to take hold of my life like the Wind takes hold of the sails. I will continue walking, lost and confused.

I've recently been invited to partake in a trip to Chile with an amazing organization, its a two week trip, it will be filled with meetings with dignitaries, Church people, activists and the like; I'm excited to see what God will do with this opportunity. I've turned over the sails to the Wind... :-)

Much of this refocusing has to do with me understanding that everything I do or say may be seen as crazy, unbalanced- overly hopeful and naive. I sometimes laugh at that because much of my rebellion just comes from questioning the norm, as i delve more and more into the life of Jesus, I know that's what He calls us to be. Little sparkling fireflies into dark places, path ways in unmarked lands- What would i be? what would i be if I wouldn't let Love decide?

I've seriously been encouraged and quiet humbled by the testimony of the School of The America's Watch. This organization has been fighting against injustice since the early 1980's, bringing awareness to the atrocities happening in Latin America while shedding light on how to make this stop.

A few nights ago, i was able to read, watch and listen to a string of links on what they do and I was left with an unsettled heavy heart. My heart was heavy, deeply rooted in the purpose of this organization, was surrendering one's life for Justice. It's a hard thought to grasp, its an even harder life to live- I am far from perfect and have to continue fighting everyday, but I know I'm not in this alone- this generation is finding it's place, living within the poor, crossing borders to free prisoners and entering into civil disobedience to be obedient to the Word. I have found my place within the body- and we need to keep moving!



I'm really inspired by the many organizations and beautiful people that surround me these days. This, is what I have my heart set on right now, (if you have the time, watch it)

Love to all!

Ivania

"Peace is first of all the art of being." — Henri J.M. Nouwen

Picture taken on my trip to the Amazon, in Venezuela 2009->

Life has become full of wondering, wandering, feeling lost, loneliness and all of that kind of stuff that doesnt come from Him, it's been that type of season... one where i can feel happiness at the tip of my fingers.

It's seems i've missed the point here and there- but im learning everyday to trust.- to keep Hope and just be. 'Fighting for peace!' has been the constant 'advice' from a close friend, and the more I try to take that in, the more i understand that true peace will only come from loving without surrender.

About a week ago i received two different directions- two countries calling to me- usually i would of left without thinking, allow my wings to open up and just soar, that's what my spirit would desire!

El Salvador and Rwanda were put on my radar- one with an organization called Innerchange and another teaching in the heart of Africa. Both beautiful possibilities, that really were starting to make me question what i was 'doing' here.

Its seems like this season, has been full of learning how to say no, when the Spirit says no.True communion with Papa, is hard, makes you vulnerable and feels like you are getting stretched north to south- but its beautiful on this side! Freedom!
Even talking about this is a little hard on the heart, dont get me wrong its an amazing journey and I am so thankful, but my humanity tends to get in the way sometimes hehe.

I am loved far beyond the boundaries of this world, and that is the type of love I was made to share.
I met up with two beautiful women of God today, one new friend and the other someone i've known all my life. Equally inspiring. living their lives by being love - i was so encouraged to be surrounded by such wonderful people. Sharing our experiences about Bolivia and El Salvador, made me glow all day jaja- not to mention the sun was really intense today, just the way i was feeling inside :) Thinking about all the beautiful people i've met on my past trips really leaves me humbled. The children have taught an endless piece of wisdom- 'let joy guide you, walk in it's innocence and just love'.

Just finished reading some of Henri Nouwen's writings...and this quote could not reflect more what i've BEEN feeling (past now ;) God is so merciful- im SO thankful so so thankful for you and you!

Keep walking in Light!

"The great spiritual task facing me is to so fully trust that I belong to God that I can be free in the world--free to speak even when my words are not received; free to act even when my actions are criticized, ridiculed, or considered useless.... I am convinced that I will truly be able to love the world when I fully believe that I am loved far beyond its boundaries."
— Henri J.M. Nouwen

~My heart is like a loudspeaker

Everyday I fight for
All my future somethings
A thousand little awards
I have to choose between
I could spend a lifetime
Earning things I don’t need
That’s like chasing rainbows
And coming home empty.

I dont need a microphone
To say what I been thinking
My heart is like a loudspeaker
Strip me

I've had this song on repeat all day, it fills me with joy :)

The truth is, the last couple days have been filled with complaining, planning the future and hoping that tomorrow will be better- Seriously! what the heck! i need a reality check! Today is wonderful, i have air in my lungs, a voice to reach many -'my heart is like a loudspeaker'.

23 yearsold and unsatisfied with the everyday, day dreaming of my amazon, Bolivian mountains, Venezuelan communities, Tanzanian deserts and the endless El Salvadorian sunsets.

but there is joy in all of this.

to be honest, i never really pictured myself still in Hamilton, very much decided but confused all at the same time. I have answers and a map laid out in front of me- God constantly taking me by the hand and saying 'Just Go"

but there is joy in all of this.

i would much rather be in the middle of no where in the Amazon right now, but i am here, here in Hamilton, here in Canada, in my familiarity, in my comfort zone- but why is it a constant struggle to feel home here?

but there is joy in all of this.

I had all these questions spinning in my head at work today, it was crazy busy and i really had no energy to spark conversation or intentionally build any sort of connection with the customers, until this really joyfull woman came with her baby boy. She sat him down on the counter and he would smile and giggle at me. I could have been anywhere, but at that moment this little boy's joyful spirit captivated me and totally changed my day. A simple example of God's joy, i felt compelled to ask the mother his name, to which she replied ' Jahsanti, it means sent by God' I could feel my spirit bursting, and leaping out of this crazy rut i had chosen to stay in. so thankful for that moment. thankful for being in Hamilton :)

I have a fleeting spirit, one that constantly wants to run, but Papa just wants to walk with me at the moment and i feel like maybe sharing that little struggle i have with myself will encourage others that feel the same. There is so much to do, so much love to give, so much change to bring forth and so much peace to deliver. But we cannot give, bring, or deliver anything that we personally do not have in our hearts. Im learning to find joy in the everyday, happiness to know that right at this moment im interconnected with every continent in this world. I realized that my closest friends are all in other places right now, in Europe, in Asia, in Africa and out west- to a certain extent the melancholy behind missing them is unhealthy because i want to be happy for them and share in their joy- but at the same time i would want them all with me at the same time haha
not for now- but its okay it just means we have more undiscovered adventures ahead of us, more trails to walk and songs to sing- always free falling!

JOY!

miss and love you all!
<3

~ she is free to live passionately and boldly, on the pursuit of only Love ,then like the hero of that fable, her dance will dazzle the world.

Photo cred- Kenneth J. Semenuk


hellllllllo my friends :-)
i look forward to seeing some of you soon and sharing, what has been happening in the last little while, but for now, this shall suffice!

I've spent some time just basking in His presence, constantly asking God to just use me, pursuing Love has become my new air, I cant breathe without it!

In last few weeks, I've been inspired by a few things and people- all things that make me want to draw nearer to God- wanting to grow closer in relationship with Him, understanding His heart and the way that he sees this crazy wonderful world.

Early October i went to an Invisible Children screening at Mac, i had gone to a screening a couple of years ago and had been left transformed, and somehow feeling hopeful but hopeless at the same time. After a few debrief sessions with some friends and raising awareness about what was happening in Uganda,i realized that there will be an end to this brutal massacre. This last screening wasn't really about the movie for me, but more so about meeting Sunday. Sunday is a young guy that was born in Uganda, was a child soldier, was rehabilitated and is attending university now. The future and hope of Uganda in this one boys story!! transformation, courage and raw faith! It was really great to hear his story and just share life for a few brief moments. I left that room with a huge smile on my face, knowing that my Father is constantly calling his children home, no matter what circumstance. Meeting Sunday, really challenged me and made me all that more thankful about the people in my life and the love I'm constantly greeted with everyday day.

a few weeks ago Erica (my younger sister) came into my room telling me i needed to watch this trailer Return to El Salvador Erica was freaking out because she had noticed both our last names, Erazo and Gonzalez in the trailer- it had somehow awakened something in her and she felt that we needed to watch this movie and find out everything about it.
I left it for a bit, until the next day, i could still feel the impact of the trailer and God puncturing my heart with passion and curiosity- awakening my identity. And so i did what i normally do when I'm inspired and all riled up about something haha, i facebook msged a few of my friends and told them we needed to go watch this documentary. I went on two different occasions, the first with Miranda and Sharon- two of the most beautiful people i know, hearts on fire for justice and simply always ready to love.
The second time, i went after an event HFA had at city hall.
The whole day i had been extremely nervous because i was supposed to speak on behalf of the association, i seriously don't know what had gotten into me hahaha i couldn't stop fidgeting, or shaking! I met up with my friend Ken for coffee before the event, and God spoke through him as He poured out peace through our conversation. God is so faithful, constantly bringing joy to my life through wonderful people, Ken exhibited some of his beautiful photographs at our event. The event was about promoting Latino/Hispanic culture- what an honour it was for us to have such a talented artist showing us a piece of the Argentina he experienced.
Off we were to my second screening of Return to El Salvador where we met up with another friend, Nate (Nate is in South Africa right now, changing the world as i write this :-)), I couldn't have gone to see this movie with four better people i think (no offence to the rest of you that couldn't go ;) haha) but it was just great to share, and learn from the diverse thoughts on the film. All and all i left challenged to continue on my walk towards peace. There is no freedom more beautiful then that one which asks us to love and serve.

And so that brings me to my last little testimony. I've been struggling with what "to do" with my life for the last little while (give or take a couple of years lol), Career wise i mean, i am called to Love and serve above all- and its been hard to 'find' something that encompasses all that and something that brings me alive. After some long thinking, deep conversation and prayer- i found something :) I'm going to be attending Mohawk College in January for their 2 yr program for Immigrant and Refugee case worker. At this moment i don't think i could find something that will make me happier, until God decides to turn me in another direction of course hahah but for now this is where i feel Him calling me, I'm excited!

lets see each other soon and enjoy this beautiful fall weather!! :-)

please keep me in your prayers and thoughts!

love to all!!
Ivania

There Are No Seams!

I've sat here trying to edit some earlier written entries, and im challenged by the echo of truth. Opinions, facts, truth, simple-raw-reality in my life. How can i run away from that? The one question i keep asking myself is 'why are you complaining so much when 'they' have so little?' I've never been comfortable about being comfortable, there is something within me that rejects it, yet i fit into it so perfectly, i've allowed comformity to fit me like a glove.

This is my biggest challenge in the current season im in, how do i break free?? how can i run with the truth and scream to the mountain top without fear? What im most afraid of is, is that i can, my life was not made for conformity, my wings have no seams, they are made to shake off fear and just be bold.

The truth is, being in Canada makes me unhappy, or is it the lack of community i feel here? the constant longing for a church that engages into a true relationship with Christ than one that is solely happy with golden chalices and their starving countries left behind. Lets be honest for a second, i grew up being spoonfed the Gospel, into compassion, into solidarity yet at the second that i get a chance to forget what all of that means, i choose too. Growing up in a beautiful church adorned with marble and gold... i bought into the pretending that this was the real world. How could i adjust reality into this truth of marble walls, stain glass windows and starving children in Latin America?

How can i listen on saturday nights, to sermons about loving one another when neither of us sitting there will even smile at the homeless lady waiting outside for some food. Maybe she was desperetly looking for the truth like i am.

The Church is not made for people that want to work on their own, but one's that are willing to give it all up for their Brother and ask God to share His heart. Because seriously, what kind of world has He been left with to love, yet He still presses on..on... and on...and on...

What do we do now? I can complain or simply share the facts with what is happening, and im sure my church isnt the only one that isnt truly aligning with what the Word is constantly revealing. God says it so simply: Learn to do right! Seek justice, encourage the oppressed. Defend the cause of the fatherless, plead the case of the widow. Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy"

How is it possible that after an amazing service, we feel on top of the world and like God can do anything through us,but when we walk by 'Sally' in downtown Hamilton we wont even look at her for she is only part of the scenery.
I've been fed up with going to church on the weekend but not being challenged to BE Church everyday of the week. why is it that we have become afraid of being bold, yet when a friend dare's you to do something out of the ordinary you will do it, because you simply cant back down. Well i cant simply back down from this, im thirsty for community, im thirsty for truth, im thirsty for Justice to be the norm and for us to never have to think twice about choosing love vs hate. Please friends, lets be uncomfortable during these circumstances, lets not look away from the injustices of this world, that we as a church keep participating in. This is not the Church He wants, lets be love...simple and honest love.
Love that does not walk away but walks with, love that wants food for the neighbour as much as for self, love that desires justice for Canada but also for the rest of the world. Revival is not for one single place, but for His whole Creation.

These are words that challenge me everyday, let them remind you everyday to love without seams, that's the way He loves us, lets share it!

"Love has no meaning if it isn't shared. Love has to be put into action. You have to love without expectation, to do something for love itself, not for what you may receive. If you expect something in return, then it isn't love, because true love is loving without conditions and expectations" - Mother Teresa

I grew up with the echo of this man's bold love for his people, i grew up with many repercussions of the war, but i grew up with the same Hope he professed- i cant forget that, and i cant simply be satisfied with what our church is living as truth, we need a reality check into what true communion with the Father's heart means.

El Condor Vuela- 'The Condor Soars'

"From this moment I offer my blood to God for the redemption and resurrection of El Salvador. Let my blood be a seed of freedom and the sign that hope will soon be reality".-Oscar Romero

~This piece woke me up a few nights ago, unable to sleep with all of this on my heart, i felt the Spirit drawing me to share and at 1am i was writing this. I read this today in Romero's autobiography- "These days I walk the roads gathering up dead friends, listening to widows and orphans, and trying to spread hope," , and it convicted me even more to share what God continues to download into my heart about Justice.

Bound by the making of The soaring Spirit.
Page by page equals revealed noncomplaint history.

Built for Rebellion, built for purple sky's and red walk ways
The kingdom of truth and Saved pages, the kingdom of Burning chapters, the kingdom of Promised words.
Bound,strapped,held into the relevance of these times as the bird that does not walk or leap but fly's, fly's free into an abyss where history and future collide into creation of the ordinary world born in to extraordinary.
Freedom cries out as the new world brings a new canvas to be delivered.
Just as it is. Just is. Justice

Justice roams into the spirit of the Freedom bird. Bound by Justice it soars, it soars
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Freedom Bound
Revealed into the wings of Home.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Wings stretched out, carrying the heart of the forgotten Andes in its heart.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice

Leaping through the fire of the desert, with an unquenchable thirst for the skies of the South.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice

Carrying her Home on the flight of unspoken dreams she will claim Kilimanjaro as well.
Just as it is, Just is,Justice
Bound by the life of Life
Bound to the answers of Wild Wind
Catching the tide and only soaring on ward.
Just as it is, Just is, Justice
Bound by Justice.

yet my heart takes on wounds of history.

Hello again, its been a couple of months :-)
I've been feeling the need to share once again for a few days now, the truth is, i havent really felt the need to be infront of a computer in my hot room, as a i sneeze 5 million times a day haha oh allergies! Alas here i am :-)
I was listening to this beautiful song today- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSwov6Zp1hY
it made me want to share some encouragement and truth with you all.
So here goes...:-)

There is something about summer that just makes me think more haha, i mean not the looking into the sky without any reason for day dreaming- but day dreaming on purpose with a pen in my hand and some lemonade, know what i mean? :) haha
in doing this i realized that as i sit here with my lemonade, beautiful leather bound journal, waiting for Mr golden sun to shine on me, im very unhappy.

Unhappy not in the sense that i hate my life, or need riches to feel great, but unhappy for living so comfortablly. For some people this might not make sense, because who really wants to live in war torn countries, with poverty stricken communities? Even though i agree with that last sentiment there is something in my heart that longs for living with people in those predicaments. My family fled El Salvador in the early 1980's running away from war and seeking freedom. I Have been given everything on a golden platter, yet my heart takes on wounds of history. Crumbling to ruins like heartache, wanting to do whatever i can to be part of the change that will overcome injustice.

Let me explain though, in this unhappiness i can also find Joy and peace in my life, i have a very loving family and amazing friends and the Hope that lies in my relationship with God. I've asked God many times to be able to feel His heartache for people, but i dont think i've ever prepared myself for it. It feels unfair, hollow, helpless. As a i shared with a good friend what i was feeling he said to me " If you are brave enough to go on that journey, and you are prepared to face the challenges you are going to face, the truth will not be hidden from you"

We cant change the world alone, we cant change a community alone, we cant even change oursleves alone. God has left us with such beautful family to work with, it is impossible for us to fail if we are faithful to that.

I refuse to stop dreaming, to stop believing, i want to be face to face with Love because it's the only way for me to know that Light will never cease shinning on.
We need to embody that Light, let is shine, let it shine, let shine! and NEVER stop dreaming, because we have yet to dream those humanly impossible dreams that God has for us to complete. They will come true!:-) YES, they will!!!

In the midst of some chaos in my life, i know he is Faithful. A couple of weeks ago Africa was taken off my radar, so to say that God didnt think it was time yet, and that's okay! Some day soon though, i'll go back! Another beautiful day will grace me :-)

Sharing my feelings here sometimes leaves me to think that maybe we should all just grab some coffee and speak life. But for those of you who live miles away in the depths of the Amazon or in the mountains in Bolivia, it was nice to chat ;)
but for you other's lets do coffee I'd love to speak life soon! hehe

love to all!

Bound by Justice (excerpts from my journal)

July 4th, 2010

Three months have passed since I was last in El Salvador. I never finished my journey in El Salvador on here, because that journey is NOT over- I doubt it ever will be. As i was posting up my pictures on facebook, i realized that I had taken so long to post them because i wanted to hold onto them as much as i could. Holding onto the El Salvador i experienced 3 months ago, meant being safe, gaurded, and afraid of expressing my love.

A lot has happened in my life since I was there. I went to Bolivia 3 weeks after returning home and I put myself "back into the World". Allowing myself to be vulnerable, to be open, to be alive. Ready to love...being ready to love? what does that actually mean? i realized at a young age that the only reason i would ever be able to love is if i was awakened to God's love. If i could live through His love, understand, live in and carry His love then and only then would i be ready to love. I mean, im still trying to understand His love, there is a lot i dont understand, alot that im seeking out, but there is so much grace in all of this understanding. I have no desire to live without His love, and so all i want is to live in it and share it with all corners of this world.

When i was in El Salvador i had a dream that shifted my thinking on what my purpose looked like. I was left with a very puzzling Word "Bound by Justice", basically it was about me sharing Love, sharing Justice, sharing peace- with all different types of people- I was sharing this with the help of a whole 'army' of people that i know and inspire me. (ask me about the dream i'll be happy to share it). This word has made me think about what it really means to be, first; ready to love, and then second; be bound by Justice because of that love. Many people including my family at times have questioned the reasons why i go on these 'development' trips, or why i beleive certain things. I can explain it to you in one simple sentence. In the Justice of the resurrection Jesus poured out His love for all by giving His life for our Freedom-I am bound by that, bound by His love, by His blood- by His Justice!

That is really why i seek Justice for the places and people i meet. I want love for them, i simply just want them to feel loved, living in just societies where they are treated as they deserve to be. If i were to turn a blind eye to this, I would be no less miserable then the people that hurt them.


Mercy has reached out to save me, and Im bound by that, i cant contain that call on my life. I receive it with love and joy :)

El Salvador is always awaiting the return of it's children, i had to go back. Knowing and recognizing where Home is for me, is what allows me to stand firm in what waits for me.

Some updates I'd like to share with all of you:
While being in Bolivia i was voted the President of a new NGO called the Hispanic Fraternity Association - an organization based on solidarity and the promotion of the Hispanic culture through our arts, our freedom seeking ways and most importantly the faith that runs deep within our people's calling. Please pray for us as we embark on this journey!

Second it seems like i will be going to Africa in September- plans are still up in the air, we will see what God says :-)

Be light! Be Love!

the end of a love letter...

Bolivia :-)
It's been almost a month since I've been back in Canada and i hadn't been able to finish my love letter to Bolivia, this past week has been full of lessons- lessons of taking risks and no regret. So here goes... :-)

The last week we spent in Bolivia, we stayed at an amazing place called the Bolivian Children's mission in Cochabamba (the land of eternal spring), beautiful mountains, flowers, no headache from altitude and filled with some of the most amazing people I have ever met. We only stayed at this orphanage for about 8 days- but they were 8 days that totally transformed my life.

I've been to many orphanages before and always end up leaving with some sort of hopelessness- This time it was no different, but at the same time, this trip was different for some reason- these kids had friends, hobbies, love stories, favourite colours, and smiles that had left a huge imprint on my heart. I had never interacted this much with kids at an orphanage, one little girl, Jenny, really stole my heart- we happen to share the same birthday, but our lives were very different.

Jenny was 13 years old and had been at that orphanage since she was weeks old, coming from a very sad past, you would expect a child that was sad, angry, and filled with disillusion for the world. But she was different, after school every day she would come up to me, hug me and say "I'm going to miss you Ivania", those words broke my heart time and time after again- but her smile was always hopeful and full of love. We exchanged conversations about the world, my favourite place, her favourite place, the wonders of nature that surrounded us, her life at the orphanage, love, heart break- and how to change the world. She changed my world and on our birthday all i could think of, was how my reality was so different than hers, I was surrounded by mom and dad, siblings and SOOO much love, in a country where my insane stubbornness for change was embraced. I know that at the orphanage she is surrounded by a lot of love, but i cant keep myself from thinking about what her future in Bolivia will be like, where will she go when she turns 18 and cant stay at the orphanage anymore?

All this unrest in my heart, had left me paused- not knowing what to do, not knowing when or how i would see this little girl again- i realized that if i stayed in this state i would have broken dreams all my life, broken wings and unfulfilled promises. I needed to step out of my rut for a bit and be hopeful for Jenny, I know that God has a very special purpose for her life and i hope to meet her again in the near future.

Remembering the last thing she said to me, i smile and know that i should not worry about her, because she is deeper than most people i know around my age- she's a world changer!! "Ivania, you wont forget me right? i mean you cant, we have the same birthday, we are birthday twins, and coincidences like that are like promises that God has already made for us". - And Jenny i could never forget you or the Bolivian Children's mission. I walked into milk and honey when i walked into that orphanage, true living, living in Love and with purpose!

I am deeply inspired and indebted for the lessons learned there. Thank you Peter and Delia for sharing your house and family with us in Cochabamba!!

I will miss you Bolivia, but we will see each other again one day, very soon, very soon :-)

Another farewell to the Amazon!

I had not thought that i would return to the Amazon so quickly, after my trip to the Venezuelan Amazon last year, i desired to go back but was never sure when it would be, i defintely didnt think it would be this soon. As our plane landed in the Amazon, tears filled my eyes and an uncontrollable mix of emotions took over my heart. It's a feeling I am not sure how to express or explain, i just know that the Amazon has stolen a piece of my heart, and returning made me realize even more how much i had missed being there. The trees, the mountains, the river, the land, the people, everything. Our time in San Miguel del Bala, Amazon, was one that really taught me the importance of listening and learning from other cultures, it also gave me a perspective of how courageous the Tacana people have been. Their persistence in order to preserve their land, culture, language and traditions really speaks to me about the pursuit of true identity. I am so honoured to have been able to meet and share with the Tacana people, it truely was something life changing... my heart has been transformed.

Im sure i will return to the Amazon some time very soon... my heart longs for the fire in that land... it's a flame, that has been planted on this journey of justice... and is carried by true Love.

Inspired.

Como un pajaro libre de libre vuelo!! (Like a liberated bird, free flying)

Surrounded by mountains, trees, birds and water- feeling very small amidst these great beautiful things. Feeling so blessed and loved by God and getting to appreciate all that He has made here. We´ve been with our contacts for about a week now, helping out at the eco-lodge, cooking traditional dishes, learning how to make sugar cane juice and how to peel rice,learning a lot from our contacts, while learning about how much we can stretch ourselves in unknown territory. I´ve realized that i mostly take a lot of love from the places i visit, the relationships we have built with Julio and Reinaldo our contacts and Hermosinda(the lady that cooks at the lodge)- usually leave me bittersweet when leaving, its amazing to meet all of these people but when we leave, i always leave bits of my heart behind. Im learning to repair these broken wings with new dreams, leaving in a few days, with more blindfolds off- loving freely- free flying- letting the Wind take me.
Ready, ready to go!
This world is hungry for change, and i´ve been starving for it for a long time now!!

Leaving La Paz

In a few hours i will going on a little plane with all 11 of my team memebers to San Miguel Del Bala a community of indigenous people in the Bolivian Amazon!!! Im SOOO excited, but a part of my heart is also a tad bit broken... being in La Paz for the past week has slowly been changing my mindset about a lot of stuff and it feels like we have built a home here, befriending our hosts here, seeing other travellers come and go.
Felt like this was our stand-by of making relationships and connections with people from abroad in Bolivia, pretty amazing to say the least. In the past week we´ve befriended some pretty amazing people, Germans, South Africans, a girl from Montreal, and a girl from England. Being impacted by every single life as we all experienced the same time of culture shock, missing friends and family, attempting to speak spanish (well not for me but for my team lol). It was a great way of seeing how interconnected we are, and the love for adventure and thirst for change brings people from all walks of life together.

We got to spend a bit more time with our friend Adriaan from South Africa, felt like we had an extra team member, as he participated in highs and lows and life stories- it was awesome! Learning a bit about what life was like for him back home and all his travel plans for the months ahead, made for some really ispiring conversations, that have really set up this trip for me- Free falling, plans abandonded and moved by the Spirit.

Sharing my life story with the team and Adriaan last night made me realize how much life stories is so much more than just sharing "stuff" that has happened in your life but more about testimony and how the life that i have lived up until now is shaping every move i make in the present. Sharing who you are, the broken, the garbage, the meaningful, the awakenings- all adds up to encouragment and reflection.

Moving ahead and away from La Paz makes me realize that I come on these trips with a heart ready to love and I leave with SO much more love from the people i´ve met. Im constantly changed and stretched by my experiences, goodbye´s are always tough- but returning is near... See you soon! :-)

Surrounded by mountains and Love.

Sitting here, listening to the cars honking, the breeze of the Andes and the peace of God´s Love... no other way to live for me right now. I´ve been having a weird couple of days, unsure of how i feel about being on stand-by in La Paz , wanting so badly to be in the Amazon, being sick, having my whole team in bed, also sick- i was angry and in a miserable mood. I had also taken that anger on this beautiful opportunity that God had given me, to remain more time with the people here in La Paz, not sure of what to expect, or about how much Love i was receiving by being here.

I dont think i realized it until i was walking down this street yesterday and heard drums and flutes playing in this building- being drawn by the Spirit in this place, i gradually went in as my team followed. I was met with native dancers doing a traditional dance in thanksgiving for the new season... seriously!!??- could that have been more on point with what i should of been doing?? Being so afraid about where God is taking me on this trip and on the journey ahead, i dont think i had stopped purposely to be thankful for this new season. These dancers were there for a conference called Boldness in Identity Through Art- AMAZING!!!! just the name, almost made me fall over... we got to go into one of the sessions, and the honour and blessing towards the indigenous people in Bolivia blew me away!! I was automatically ordered by God to get out of the rut that i had placed myself in. As i looked at these people dancing i looked at one specific older man, as he danced with this deep gaze and this peacful smile- "The wailing of His people i could feel". The happiness, the sorrow, the peace, the love, the liberation, the justice- everything! generation upon generation of the Bolivian people- in my heart.

How could i deny what i could feel in my heart? Being afraid to be broken, to be a witness, to walk in Boldness- everything He has called me to be. The people here have gone through a great deal of sorrow, through colonization, through massacres of their indigneous people, the change in government and the very obvious poverty cycle that seams to be entangling itself within society here. Bolivians have constantly been struggling for acceptance, constantly they have had to leave their lands, to go off and find work in other countries. Often being hated and mistreated in other countries- for generations they have been living as a tolerated people- The Bolivian people are called to be Loved!!!

Today, i woke up with this peace in my heart, that everything was going to be fine, that God was taking care of the team and that all of this had a purpose that would shape the journey ahead!

After Lunch today we walked around some of the shops and stumbled upon this music store, that had a whole bunch of interesting instruments- i was mostly drawn to this saxaphone made of wood- i approached the store owner and asked him how it worked. As he lifted his gaze i realized that he was blind- he started to play this song- that my mother had sang to me as a child- as tears filled my eyes I realized how big God´s presence was in that moment and how much He loved me. Being brought back to that amazing childhood memory, thinking about my mom as Mother´s day approaches, i couldnt help but be thankful and so honoured to have this amazing woman as my mother. She truly has played a huge roll in setting my life up Purposely- always being supportive, encouraging, and constantly always meeting me with open arms and a smile- everytime i come home. (Gracias Mami la quiero MUCHO!!!)

After the man finished playing I looked around the store and saw tons of paper cut outs of Him playing this little guitar, I said "do you still play shows?", He said
"No i dont anymore, i dedicate my life to teaching underprivlidged youth"- that one sentence totally rocked me. It had been two days of contstant encouragment and God flashing His love and presence in every situation i was in. How can i be angry or sad? Looking at being in La Paz as a "stand-by" hasnt really helped either, because we can build connections and relationships in every situation- and it seemed that God has just put the right people on my path to love on :)

I am happy here, surrounded by mountains and Love!
Heart abandonded, arms wide open, ready to go, walking in Boldness!!
Walking in Peace!!

In Bolivia!!!

i have been really questioning the fact of whether i should write on my blog on this trip because i really didnt think i would have any time, however due to weather we are on stand-by in La Paz before heading out into the Amazon in a few days, sooo here goes :-). It´s been some very exciting days though, just driving into the city of La Paz you are met with these beautiful majestic mountains, i´ve seriously just been in awe of God´s wonder... the beauty of His people and environment here has creeped into my heart! Im very happy here!! The elevation has been a bit of a fight for me, so im just hoping it goes away... haha please pray that it does!
We have really experienced some crazy stuff, been to a Francsican Cathedral from the 1700´s, into a Monastery,then to the Ruins of Tiwanaku all in two days and 4000 meters above sea level..awesome...sooo awesome!!
excited to get to the Amazon though, ready to be back there!!! I´ve missed it sooo much!!
Love you all!!
Peace and Blessings!

The Word i carry in my heart

These Words

Trickling, shifting, tearing apart a, collision of brick sand and dust
Taking the form of a death sentence, as they pile upon her- She is the mother in Haiti

These words are for the mother in Haiti

Racing through the sticky tall dead grass, running, running, running away as they get closer, her freedom, her liberation taken away from her even before she is kidnapped- her heart already taken, her safety and comfort stolen, as memories of nameless, faceless cowards are piled upon her and steal her innocence..- she is the girl from Uganda

These words are for the girl in Uganda

Where the light breaks through the darkness of shifting shadows
A little boy sits at the bed side of his mother, torn, dismantled, her lifeless body taken-taken-taken for no reason- His is the story of the little boy in Rwanda

These words are for the boy in Rwanda

Its really dark out, the rain is heavy, not a storm, but his heart is heavy, praying that this night wont end, and wont call him home…he flees continues to go far, far, far- where they cant get to him- the journey from the mountain left him tired- searching for the medical supplies, searching for type writers where they will record for history why they fought- His mother is restless and waiting, when will this stop, when will my baby stop needing to be the revolutionary- when can we stop being afraid of the raids, and disappearings- he gets to a gate,lightening and thunder roar- This is the story of an 18 year old boy, a revolutionary from El Salvador- who changed my life.

These words are for the boy in El Salvador

These words are for the man I walk by every day, to busy to stop, to selfish to care, -what was his name? as he looks at me, face to face, gazing at me- looking for life, looking for a sign of hope, of reality that is not what makes him shiver at night, and leaves his stomach empty…as the days go by…his name left in the past, with the successful university career, and the family that once knew him.

These words are for the man in Hamilton

Her history is present on the lines of her face, as she tells me the story of a young school girl forced to live her life in a culture foreign to what her destiny calls of her. Taken from her parents, taken from the land that calls to her every time she looks to the sky. “My people don't forget” she says to me, “we are the Yanomami”

These words are for the Yanomami elder in Venezuela.


Now these are not just words, not only letters on pieces of paper or
rhyming patterns these are not just stories told or heard - these are
realities, realities that we continue to ignore

These words are for you, let them change you, let them creep in to your
heart, let them get under your skin, let them move you into action,
don't let these words get drowned out ,allow yourself to see that your reality is connected intertwined like
knots, like links, like chains to the reality of those around you
These words are of hope, of freedom, of the realities, faces and
places that have inspired me to remember, to know, to be and to do!

Generations have come and gone, Martin Luther King Jr. came, Oscar Romero came, Mother Teresa came, Ghandi came- these words are for the little girl in
regent park listening to the 'I have a dream' speech, wondering when the
Martin Luther King Jr. of her generation will show up.
These words are for all of you who are listening as your heart pounds
as these words penetrate into your soul, as these words will leave you
restless because you know you are the generation that will be Martin Luther King Jr’s
dream- don't be afraid of your reality, let these words become light
posts, that invite you into who you truly are.

These words are for the little girl, who often wondered why she
rather listen to El Salvadorian war stories than to play with dolls,
these words are for the girl that holds the world in her heart and
wants to share it with you, these words are for the girl that knows
she is no Martin Luther King Jr, no Ghandi no mother Teresa, no Oscar Romero, she is more broken, more weak, and more fearful- but she knows she can change the
world.

These words, are what carry her...
Hope
Justice
Love
One, but its just one Word that I bring, that I carry
One Word that drove me to be vulnerable, open up my heart, spit out my
fear and open up my arms and ask you to join me!

Join me to allow her not be the Haitian forgotten, the Ugandan
disappeared, the Rwandan orphan, the assassinated El Salvadorian the
unknown Canadian, the misplaced Yanomami Venezuelan!

These words are for them, let them change you. I dare you to try and
forget them now.

Observations, truths and dreams bursting at the seams!!

Hey everyone!
I´ve had the most intense days! and have been so overwhelmed that i havent really had time nor the energy to write! I have been journaling though :-) in other past trips its been hard to write in my journal, but there is so much internal/feeling stuff that i want to share that it is necessary for me to write it down!
I guess that tugging feeling forces me to write....which is excellent hehe

I decided that i wanted to post some observations ive made while being here. Two days after i got here, plasterd all over the media was a picture of a 19 year old boy that was being stabbed by a fellow classmate outside of his university, ´reason´why he stabbed him (he was wearing a jersey from a neighbouring school, that is the rival soccer team of the school). As pathetic as that sounded to me, it was real, raw and true...so true that everyone was obsessed with the story and all media communications where writing about it or airing shows about it. This boy died in the end... and for what? i try not to get sucked into the media, but it was everywhere...every time i went somewhere someone was talking about it. And although killings happen here all the time, a country that is slowly recovering from a 30 year war that ended 19 years ago...its still not dehumanized or desensitized to the value of human life. It is something i find admirable... and something that rings true of the El Salvadorean spirit, a people that suffered, lost loved ones, had to leave their homes- have not lost the vitality and desire to live and live peacefully. The day before this boy was killed in broad day light, President Funes had made a Vito against the law of trying 15 year olds as adults when they commited a crime. After this boy was killed, many questioned the governments ideals and commitment to bettering El Salvador...in my humble opinion i believe it is necessary to look at El Salvadorean culture and analyze the isolated realities of each person... rehabilitation and education can mobalize and change a community...lets imagine what it could do for a nation that has been dragged by the culture of ciolence for so long?

Before coming here i was really afraid...so afraid that when i was at the airport there was a moment where i contemplated not getting on the airplane and coming. Im usually really anxious to leave everytime i travel, and dont flinch when the time comes. But this trip was something totally different for me and the fact that my family was afraid for my safety... worsened everything for me.
Through prayers and many conversationed i have seen God´s tremendous Love and covering..seriously í´ve been minutes away from danger in certain circumstances but God continues to assure me, that He will take care of everything. ahhh we are so lucky to have such a loving Father. :-)

Coming to El Salvador, was a surprise and gift to me...but also something that was needed but not wanted...let me explain... as much as i love El Salvador its beautiful culture and rich history..i never had any intentions of coming here this soon. This trip came so sudden, that as much as it was an affirmation of what i had been waiting for, it was also the reason why i was so afraid. I had been waiting and having some raw and rather vulnerable conversations with God where i would search for answers... to questions that in reality had been answered a really long time ago. What to do with my time? where did God want me? what was my purpose??

Months passed, and my heart always had Africa close to it...always thinking about when i would return...i had been ignoring my roots, they were slowyly creeping back into my spirit with a fire so strong that threw me back into a state of being soooo overwhelmed by grace, that i felt undeserving.

An awakening had happened and my heart still longed for Africa but God showed me that i could have the same passion and love for the rest of the world... i felt Latin America calling to me... and Bolivia would be where He would send me next, in May. To be honest i tossed and turned when i found out that i was going to Bolivia...i was excited but my heart was still not content... MY heart, not God´s...haha i had been trying to satisfy my desires and needs and had forgotten that God was the one that was in charge, its really refreshing to be pulled back into reality! And this February, El Salvador came into the picture... casted to the wind was all doubt as i was being prepared for the ´coming out´ :-). In my two weeks here i have met people, that i already knew...not in the physical sense but there hearts and spirits were already known to my heart. Never has it been so obvious to me that my life was made in the option for the poor. I yearn for the day, when Freedom will be known to all, it is the most amazing feeling to know, that when you recklessly abandon yourself to God´s plan, life is so much more exciting!

"Those who surrender to the service of the poor through love of Christ, will live like the grains of wheat that dies. It only apparently dies. If it were not to die, it would remain a solitary grain. The harvest comes because of the grain that dies We know that every effort to improve society, above all when society is so full of injustice and sin, is an effort that God blesses; that God wants; that God demands of us".- Oscar Romero


This post was not really an update of things I´ve done (that will come soon), but a reflection of what kind of transformation my heart is under...
The harvest is coming :-)

Concert in honour of Arch Bishop Romero and 1 year anniversary of the FMLN presidential win!

On Saturday, Marh, 13th i went to this amazing concert that had been organized by President Funes, in honour of Oscar Romero´s 30th death anniversary. it was such an amazing site to see... the stadium illed with babies, children, youth, adults and seniors...generations upon generations of people that have a reaffirmed Hope everytime they are able to unite when honouring this amazing Man.
i will try to post vids and pictures when i get home. President Funes gave a few words, it was nice to see the government honouring someone that been a symbol of Rebellion for the El Salvadorean government so many years ago.

On Sunday March 14th, i went to a commemoration of the FMLN´s, presidential win...a see of red t-shirts and flags, and again generations gathered together, not just celebrate this anniversary but to remember and celebrate the lives of so many people that fought for freedom so many years ago. i was able to talk to some dignitaries and some veterans of the war. i´ll post pictures soon... such an amazing feeling..not beause of a political party, but because i got to see people united for the cause of Liberation. soo beautiful!

this week i have a few meeting lined up, one with a Mayor of FMLN, with a couple of veterans of the revolution and i will be attending some workshops at the UCA (university of El Salvador) workshops on Justice and Peace, Oscar Romero and the Revoltuion!

i´ll keep you all updated!please keep me in your prayers!!

Mucho Love!

Ivania

testimonies of a symbol of Rebellion

on Friday, March 12th i met up Monsenor Ricardo Ayala. (Oscar Romero´s secretary)
my meeting with Mons. Ayala was an interesting one, he is this kind older man, (picture a grandfather)... a man that had lived in Canada for 8 years and had consequently married my parents. We met up in this amazing little cafe in the Old City Hall of Santa Tecla (it is a museam now), and talked about his time in El Salvador, hiw work with Arch Bishop Romero and his dreams for this generation. His story is one that must be shared in a book..actually all the stories that people share with me... seem like they should be in a book (maybe God is trying to tell me its time to start writing that book :-) ) hehe, hmm we will see

He explained to me that the day that Oscar Romero was killed, he had been called by the National gaurd, and told that he was needed at the army base (this was code, for we have an order to kill you) He had been warned by many different people, that the national gaurd was after him, the president at the time (Duarte) had sent out an order to arrest him because he had been meeting up with peasants and trying to encourage them in their fight for freedom. He had been acussed about using his podium as a priest to contact Cuban and Nicaraguan revolutionaries.(which wasnt true)

Later that day (March 24th, 1980) he was hidden in a truck and taken to Guatemala, were he crossed the border to Mexico and later went to Canada where he served 8 yrs.

Our meeting was short, but it was a testimony of what revolution and the spirit of revolution is. Here was this 83 year old man, that refuses to retire, and lives out daily his faith- a man that organizes meetings and conference for youth to talk about what is happening in their country and what can been done to better it.

as i was leaving he said to me " I am old, and my flame is burning out, but your revolutionary spirit doubles the one i had when i was your age, never forget that- let that flame burn!!"

amazing soo amazing!
we have decided to meet up again...once im in Santa Ana with the rest of the Canadians..im excited about what that will be like!

*From my journal- In El Salvador

a constant longing...

a constant longing for a place that was in my dreams, that was in the stories of my grandmother, a place that defined and gave birth to my roots..a longing for a place that i didnt actually know..but held in my heart.

walking out of the airport, a heat, a sun- a place that called out to me.

i longed for the mountains, for the smell of firewood burning and even for the favela/shanty towns that i saw... for the breeze, and the flowers, for the faces that looked familiar, and for the Hope that had transcended into this girl from Canada.

looking up at these big beautiful trees that had seen generations come and go (Nate you would love these trees :-) i hear music when i see them ;) )
mountains, clothed the interior, mountains that had Mothered the sons and daughters of El Salvador during the struggle and fight for freedom.

30+ years ago these mountains rocked and sustained, its children as they wrote, documents of culture, language, curroption, anguish, dissapearings and assasinations of fellow brothers- mountains that echoed Radio Venceremos (a radio that was banned in El Salvador during the 70-80´s because it was run by the revolutionaries and they aired ArchBishop Romero´s sermons.

I longed for this land that my heart knew, that i could finally put into words and actions what i had felt every time i spoke of El Salvador. Looking out the window..breathing in Truth, Hope was alive in this place and Love was what had cultivated it.

My constant longing was my reality, and a happy one at that.

I am Home
:-)

Greetings from El Salvador!!!

hey everyone!!!
im sorry i´ve been neglecting the blog, but i have had no time...so today will be my update day!! ive been writing a lot in my journal..so i´ll post some exerpts from my journal!!
Peace and Blessings!!
Ivania

Joyfully walking to the Sun!!

Hey everyone!

Welcome!! i wanted to invite you into a space where i will be sharing my heart. I have recently been so overhwlemed by God's grace, i have this crazy smile that i cant wipe off my face..sometimes i catch myself looking into space,(ps i did not mean to rhyme haha) day dreaming...and then realizing that this is not just a dream- but such a beautiful gift! God has blessed me with an amazing life, one of joyfullness, lots of love, and Freedom, I often forget to thank Him for that. Thankyou for joining me on this journey, im excited to share it with all of you.

now i must confess i will not have a fancy layout or amazing pictures, or fancy words- just my heart.

This trip is going to be quiet exciting!! i did not expect it, on February 8th i realized that this is what God wanted me to do... and in saying yes i didnt realize i would be taken on such an amazing, crazy, ridulous, hands raised to the heavens, heart wide open type of journey.

im excited! ready to go! Life is so beautiful.
El Salvador, Nicaragua, Honduras! here i come to offer my heart! :)

love to you all!

ps athletes usually have a song that gets them pumped... my inspirational, encouraging, pump me up song is ' Life is beautiful'- by Vega 4 check it out, it will take you to another place, one of sunshine and beautiful big trees hehe
Life is beautiful, but it's complicated,
we barely make it.
We don't need to understand,
There are miracles, miracles.

It's amazing where I'm standing,
There's a lot that we can give.
This is ours just for a moment.
There's a lot that we can give.